


comme des enfants

by mozartspiano



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 07:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1143141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mozartspiano/pseuds/mozartspiano
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis wears aiden's big cardigans and works at a coffee shop and drinks too much yorkshire tea. harry's just trying to write his novel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	comme des enfants

**Author's Note:**

> it's been a long time coming.
> 
> (this was originally posted [here](http://mozarts-piano.livejournal.com/16949.html#cutid1) on august 18th, 2012)

belle and sebastian is playing when louis walks into work that morning. _tigermilk_. the one with the woman and her breasts on the cover. right. 

louis nods his head along to the offbeat beat and smiles over at where zayn is sipping on his dark dark coffee at the counter.

"holding up?" he asks him like usual and zayn sends his usual look of acceptance back with a sigh and a gesture towards the shiny new muffins behind the glass case. louis tugs his hat over his ears a bit and slides behind the counter.

"you're late again," matt calls from the back but louis just arches an eyebrow at him and sidles up next to him. 

"i'm sorry matthew," he says nearly sincerely, unbuttoning matt's nametag from where it's snagged on the man's bright brown apron. "it must have been very daunting to open by yourself in the early hours of the morning. i'm sorry. really. please forgive me."

"i can never tell if you're being sarcastic or not," matt sighs and louis just grins at him, all big and bright and he can see himself winning, winning whatever this is.

"sorry, honest," louis slides matt's nametag over the big maroon cardigan he grabbed from aiden before he left this morning, "you know how it is living with music majors. can't have dinner til after choir's over, and sometimes that doesn't happen until after ten."

"at least you're getting laid every night," and louis laughs, patting matt on the back with a happy noise and flitting back to the cash register.

-

the coffee house is really narrow. there's a good thirty second walk from the front doors to the place where the coffee actually is, and sometimes louis likes that but other times it's just rubbish.

today he likes it because he gets to watch the tall man with the curly hair try and navigate through the mess of tables and chairs that get in his way. the man looks vaguely familiar in that way that all blokes with scarves and long pea coats and skinny jeans look familiar.

"hello!" louis greets when the man's nearly to him, about a hop skip and a jump away from the counter. "would you like something to eat and/or drink and/or stare at moodily until inspiration hits you?"

matt always glares at him when louis greets customers like that but matt is currently outside with a fag and angry birds so louis figures it's all good.

"uh hi," curly haired boy says with wide eyes – wide _green_ eyes, louis' favourite, "i'll have a tea i guess."

"what's your name?" louis asks because louis gets curious.

"uh." the man's brow furrows all unflattering. "is this like starbucks or something?"

"i'm sorry," louis clears his throat, "you can't say the s-word in here. it's policy."

"oh. sorry."

"i'll let you off with a warning this time," he gives the man a side look and tries to be as serious as possible, which is proving to be difficult because the boy has _bed head_ and louis really wants to touch it. "now. back to business. name?"

"harry," harry says.

louis laughs and harry looks a bit startled, but he doesn't mind, "harry? oh that's a lovely name!"

harry stares at him and louis stares right back. 

the sound of the record cutting off breaks the staring contest far too early and louis rolls his eyes and shuffles away, back to where the stand is. he flips the album off and back into its little paper sleeve before cutting an eye back to where harry is still standing, looking all bemused.

"paul and art or the pretenders?"

"i beg your…" harry trails off for a second but louis waits patiently because he can see the _ramones_ shirt underneath his grey coat and he figures that harry isn't wearing it just for hipster purposes. "um. pretenders."

"good choice!" louis pulls the record out and sets it in and then chrissie hynde's voice is filling up the room and louis grins.

"right."

"okay." he watches harry fiddle around with something in his pocket for a second before sighing, "what kind?"

"hm?"

"what kind of tea do you want?" louis asks hand reaching up to pull back the hat on his head. it's not yet warm enough to pull off the woolen contraption that aiden's nan had knitted him three years back but his head is getting a little sweaty.

"oh." harry's eyes look up to where there should be a big list of the types beverages. instead there's just a long chalkboard with the words _HELLO NEW FRIEND!_ sketched out in yellow. "what kinds do you have?"

this is louis' favourite part of his job, "english breakfast, orange pekoe, earl gray, green, chai, chocolate chai, blueberry, raspberry, mint, peppermint, yorkshire, something that smells like pot but tastes like cinnamon, fair trade, non-fair trade. whatever."

harry's eyes have widened a lot more than before and louis has this bizarre desire to flick the little bit of sleep in harry's eye out. but he holds in the impulse just barely.

"um. well," harry talks really slowly and it bothers louis for a second before he finds it endearing, "i guess i'll just have english breakfast."

"yuck," that's another thing matt told louis to stop doing – judging customers on their choices. "gross. are you sure you don't want yorkshire?"

harry smiles a bit at him and louis sees these little imprints in the side of harry's cheek and his brain scrambles for what the word is that fits them, "do you think i should have yorkshire?"

"yes."

"okay," harry's smile turns even bigger and if louis were not in a very sturdy relationship with a very sturdy person, he'd reach over to kiss it off harry's pretty face. "sure."

"great!"

making the tea is louis' least favourite part of the job, but he manages alright. the water is re-boiling when he turns back around for harry's money. 

"that's a pound, please," he smiles sweetly with a hand turned out expectantly. "and for a pound fifty you get a free muffin!"

"but if i'm paying for it, it isn't free." harry says while shifting the right amount onto louis' palm. he sees the sliver of the same leeds festival bracelet that louis had seen on aiden's wrist this morning. 

"no, but it mostly is," louis gestures to where the muffins are and hopes harry doesn't need to know what each one is because he's rubbish at muffins. tea is his forte. "about half free really."

"right," harry laughs and it lights up his face a bit and louis can even see one of the regulars – an irish man named niall who just sits and drinks and sometimes plays guitar and talks to louis about his troubles with women – look over at the bright noise. "i'll have a carrot one."

louis decides that he likes harry quite a lot after that and makes the man sit at the counter closest to him so they can talk.

-

liam comes by around noon, when harry's already puttered off to go to some sort of class with a smile and a _later_ , and matt's left for his other job. louis' been staring at one of the paintings on the wall for far too long a time already and he's so happy to see a familiar face.

"liam!" he shouts, hopping over the front counter so he can run up and throw his arms around his friend. liam takes it in stride and smiles down at louis, patting his head like he always does. "liam, you're here. i'm so happy you're here."

"simon and garfunkel, louis?" he questions about the music and tries to walk them back to the counter. louis just grips onto the plaid shirt bunched up at liam's back and nods into his chest.

"i was feeling sad. they always make me feel better." louis sniffs once, because he's getting a bit of a cold and he blames aiden. "i think i'm dying liam."

"how's business been?"

"okay. i'm dying liam."

"did we get the shipment of mints in?

"yes. i'm dying."

"aiden texted me, told me to tell you he's picking you up a bit late tonight," and louis lets go of liam at that.

"why didn't he just call the shop?" he asks while sliding back over the counter, knocking a bunch of sugars off in the process. "i've been here all lonely since matt left a half hour ago."

"you know, if you just got a mobile people would get in touch with you a lot more," liam says all smartly, using the partition to get behind the counter and into the kitchen. liam likes to follow the rules very strictly and louis loves him for that. "why aren't you in uniform? and why did you take matt's nametag?"

"i was in an awful mood this morning," louis sighs, shifting around on his tippytoes so he can see out the front windows to where the artsy streets of london are filling up with hungry hipsters. "i couldn’t even bring myself to making a pot of coffee at home."

"i'm sure aiden was happy about that when he woke up," liam smiles, while striding out of the back room, all apron-ed and nametag-ed and professional. 

"i don't care about aiden anymore," louis sniffs again pointedly, "he's making me wait until after his class to go home. he knows i never walk home alone and now he's being mean about it."

liam gives him this little, sympathetic face and pats him on his head before turning a bright smile to where the little bell above the front door has jingled. three teenagers shuffle into the shop all young with high-waisted pants and beanies and louis shakes his head and starts whipping up some foam.

-

"dimples!" louis shouts in the middle of the graham norton show. he's been thinking about it all day – and yes, harry has dimples. that's the word. a lovely word.

"what?" aiden doesn't even look away from the odd american woman on the screen that louis forgets the name of. "what's this about dimples?"

louis shakes his head and presses in closer to aiden's scrawny stomach, shifting his leg so it wraps a bit more firmly around aiden's hip. "just a fit customer at the shop. he has dimples!"

"how nice," aiden says back and louis pouts a bit that aiden isn't jealous of fit harry with the dimples, but then remembers that he listened to louis go on about zayn's eyelashes for several hours when they waited in line to get into a two door cinema concert, and louis just figures that aiden doesn't get jealous.

"i wonder how many fish sticks graham could fit in his mouth," he says a little while later and when aiden laughs all big and brash and ridiculous he can't help but grin bright at him.

-

zayn doesn't like to talk very much but louis does so sometimes he just leans back against all the espresso machine and just fucking _opens up_.

"i just don't really like donuts, you know?" he says one morning when the suits crowd is gone and there's only him and zayn and norah jones' sweet voice in the shop. "i mean there's a time and a place for them. but this morning i just had this overwhelming – no. no this _mind numbing_ need for a donut. and we were out."

"sucks," zayn tells him and louis nods.

"yes zayn." he nods vigorously because zayn has hit the nail on the head, as it were. "it really does suck."

he wipes down the counter a little and tries to keep productive. "that's a really nice drawing."

"thank you." zayn's hazel eyes meet his and louis is just so _fond_ of him in that moment, he doesn't know what to do with himself. 

"you're really nice zayn," he says to him and watches zayn's blush spread up his cheeks to where his big bulky glasses fit over his nose. "how are you looking on the relationship front of things? boyfriend? girlfriend?"

"girlfriend," he says with a nod, pulling a scratched iphone out of his pocket and louis' eyes go wide with excitement. "her name's perrie."

"the platypus?" louis asks but by zayn's tired look he can tell that he gets that a lot, so he just leans over so he can see the screen. a pretty blond girl with a sweet smile and kind eyes looks back at him. "she seems really nice too."

"she is, yeah," zayn puts the phone back in his pocket.

"i bet you'd have really nice children, you and her." louis says, tugging on the long sleeves of aiden's jumper.

zayn shoots him a look and louis scratches his nose, looking back. he widens his eyes a bit and then crosses them just for fun and when zayn chuckles under his breath louis grins at him brightly.

-

aiden walks him to work on sunday morning.

"do you ever wonder what colour certain smells are?" louis asks while he swings their clasped hands around, walking down the sidewalk. he's all wrapped up in aiden's coat because it's getting really cold out and he can't find his own.

aiden scrunches up his nose a little and pulls louis in closer, "not really no."

"oh." louis crinkles his forehead in confusion and smoothes it out when aiden leans over to kiss it while they wait for the light to change from red to green. "really?"

"really." they walk and aiden's fingers clench around his tightly. "i might be late coming home tonight, okay?"

"yeah sure," louis says automatically and then shakes his head. "wait, what, no. no, i can't walk home by myself."

"liam's coming over for the john hughes marathon anyway, remember?" aiden asks him, pulling them just under a grocery store awning. "you two can just walk back together to the flat."

"right yeah," louis nods and then nods again. he catches aiden's dark gaze and sees something lovely in his eyes. "are you looking at me all lovingly aiden grimshaw?"

"i am, yeah," aiden tells him with a grin and louis reaches up to kiss his mouth, nipping lightly on his bottom lip before patting his face twice with his free hand.

"i'm really quite in love with you, you know," louis says to him and aiden gets this big grin on his face that louis wants to hold in his hands forever.

-

matt likes to make it out that louis _never_ wears the required uniform, but louis knows that isn't true.

"matthew!" he calls into aiden's phone one afternoon whilst working. there isn't a person in the shop and the emptiness is starting to creep up on louis and eat him whole. he doesn't like it.

"jesus, lou," matt sounds positively _freaked_. "what happened? is the shop burning down? holy shit-"

"no, no, silly matthew!" louis laughs and tinkles idly with the packets of sugar on the counter. "i was just calling to see how things are. how's painting doing? don't inhale too many fumes, that'd be rubbish darling."

"louis," sometimes matt has a dreadful voice, all sharp and angry. "you called me, at three in the afternoon, just to ask me how i am?"

"yes, good, glad we've got that sorted," louis rolls his eyes; matt's need to go over everything exactly drove him absolutely _mad_ sometimes. "guess what i'm doing matthew?"

"can you stop it with the matthew business, lou? it's getting a bit annoying."

"right, sure sure."

they're both quiet for a second before louis sighs. a great heave of a sigh. "well aren't you going to _guess_?"

"can i please go back to work now?" matt asks and he almost sounds sad. _bless_ , louis thinks with a smile on his face. 

"no no, you have to guess first."

"okay. you ugh – you rearranged the mugs on the counter."

"nope!" louis likes guessing games. "you're completely wrong. really, really wrong. you suck. ha!"

"i have no bloody idea lou, can i please just-"

"i'm wearing the apron!" louis pats it down with a grin, but then he remembers that he's talking on the phone, so matt can't actually see him. he blushes a bit.

matt sighs, "what apron?"

"you know, the one that you wear."

"the... you're wearing the _uniform_?"

"yes!"

"..right." matt sighs again and louis can't help but feel a little insulted. 

"am i keeping you from something matthew?" he asks and he can practically _feel_ matt's glare from wherever he is. 

"i'm going to go back to work now louis."

"oh right. yeah, okay, fine."

"so glad to have your consent."

"love you matthew!" louis likes to be affectionate. especially because matt turns this dark colour of maroon whenever he tells him this, all sprawled out over his back on the company couch in the back. "work hard sweetcheeks!"

"you're insufferable," louis can hear the love behind the insult. really. 

"bye bye!" matt hangs up. 

louis stands for a second and stares at the mobile in his hand. he's not really too sure how to end a call, so he just puts it back in his pocket and smiles brightly around for a second before thinking how strange that would look if a person were to walk by the shop and instead just goes over to the record player and switches _sigh no more_ for _no. 5 collaborations project_. 

-

liam and he finish up with the big afternoon rush, of hipsters and tourists and sad looking middle aged women who look like they've got off the wrong train, just in time for their tea break . louis gives one of the woman a map that's been under the counter since the early nineties and she gives only an odd look back before she piles out of the shop and liam sets his yorkshire tea down in front of him.

"well," louis notes, surveying the empty shop. "she was rude."

"you gave her a road map of edinburgh for absolutely no reason," liam tells him in that voice that means he's about to laugh. "she's within her rights to think you're a bit mental."

louis sniffs, mostly because of his cold but also because that's what he does before he proves his point, "she didn't even say thank you."

liam laughs and louis smiles at him, taking a sip of his tea. the mug is from matt's trip to new york years ago and louis maps out the big heart with his fingers while he shifts his body up to sit on the counter.

"so how's danielle?" he asks because he's a good friend.

"alright, i suppose," liam blows across his blueberry tea and shrugs. "her mum's coming down to stay at ours next week so we've both been cleaning a lot."

"hm." louis thinks back for a second before shaking his head. "i don't think aid and i have ever cleaned the flat."

liam laughs and then leans a bit more comfortably against coffee machine. "how're your sisters doing, lou?"

louis eyes widen with excitement and he breaks into the story of his mother and the brilliant tomlinson girls. he tells liam all about lottie's new dance recital and then about fizz's great mark on her science test and just as he gets into daisy and phoebe's second grade shenanigans, the bell to the shop rings.

he turns to see the familiar face of harry coming towards him, dimples on full display and scarf all wrapped over his neck. he jumps off the counter as liam coughs and walks towards the cash register, completely professional once again.

"welcome to _cindy's_! what can i get for you today?" liam always has this great big smile on his face. once, a very memorable morning, louis had started tracing it with his fingers in front of some displeased man in a trench coat. liam had tickled him away and gave the man a blueberry muffin free of charge. the man never came back.

harry smiles at louis who grins back. "i'll have yorkshire tea in a mug and a peanut butter cookie."

louis nods, pleased with harry's life choices, and grabs the cookie for him. he puts it on a nice shiny plate, blue with sparkles – his favourite – and raises an eyebrow to liam's curious look.

"what?" he asks, sliding it over to where harry's seated himself on the little bar stools around the counter. "do i have something on my face, lee?"

"no," liam's brow is more furrowed than louis' ever seen it. "it's just." he coughs and grins all bright again, giving harry his tea in a _my grandfather went to ibiza and all i got was this lame mug_ mug. "here you go!"

"thanks," harry takes off his mittens and slides the beanie off his thick hair. "jesus it's cold out there."

"i think the whole country moved to baffin island while we were sleeping," louis says quite seriously. he laughs when liam bumps his hip though. 

"had anymore big breakthroughs?" he asks harry who's pulling his cookie into pieces with his long fingers.

"not too many," harry sighs and pops a bit into his mouth. 

"hm?" liam inquires while wiping down the counter with his little plaid square of cloth. louis feels bad for leaving him out of the loop and immediately jumps in with, "harry's writing a book!"

"trying to," harry corrects with a twisted grin. "not getting very far."

"rubbish," louis really truly is an optimist. "you just need a muse is all."

"you volunteering?" harry asks all cheeky and winky and louis laughs. liam gives him a rather stern look and louis tries to give him one back but quickly stops. he's too happy to frown right now.

"i think i'd be a shit muse," louis says quite calmly, and harry shrugs.

"you never know until you try."

"yeah," liam interjects while sipping at his tea. "didn't matt write that song about you?"

"hm." louis shuffles back up in between the espresso machine and the record player, sitting on the marble countertop. "yes, i suppose. but he wrote that the week he was talking about going down to the mental hospital for inspiration. and he named it _the mind warp_. so."

harry looks at him for half a second before breaking into this inhuman noise. louis looks frantically at liam who's giving back a frightened look before the bark of sound turns into a fit of childish chuckles and louis gives a sigh of relief. he was just _laughing_.

"so matt with the nametag," starts harry breathlessly. "wrote a song about schizophrenia, based on you."

"something to that effect, yes." louis' a little offended but he chooses to focus his attention on harry's bright eyes that make him smile instead. "it's a groovy tune though, i won't lie to you."

"that it is." liam agrees, grinning down into his mug for a second. he looks up and catches louis' eyes and gives him a brief but warning look.

-

aiden comes in one night early, really early, too early for him. louis is at the register, chatting with niall the irish man about cats when he looks up to see the familiar quiff and a ridiculously large cardigan pulled over some button down. 

"aiden?" he asks as the man comes up to him with a frown on his face. "are you oka-"

he gets cut off when a pair of lips press against his insistently and he doesn't like this aiden, because this aiden is quiet and moody and so _desperate_ it scares him.

"darling?" he asks quietly when aiden pulls away. he forgets about niall and the shop and everything about that when he gets a good look at aiden's eyes. they're dark and impenetrable, but there's a hint of something in the corner of them, something that looks suspiciously like tears.

"can we go home?" aiden asks in that intense voice of his, hand scrambling to clutch at louis' waist. "please? please."

louis nods, wanting to say a lot of things – mostly starting with _i've only been here an hour_ \- but stays quiet. he turns to where the back room is, to the big heavy door of wood and window, and pulls away from aiden quickly.

"i'll be right back, okay?" he says to aiden, giving niall an apologetic look that gets a solemn nod back. just before he turns louis can see niall patting aiden tenderly on the back and he smiles a bit.

matt's in the back, taking some fresh muffins out of the small oven while brewing over his notebook of song lyrics. he looks up with a smile at louis' entrance.

"yeah lou?" he asks, frowning back down at the scribbled over paper. "hey, do you know anything that rhymes with destruction?"

"no, but that's a great name for a band," louis quips back fast, snagging his jumper from where it's thrown haphazardly over the staff couch. "hey, i have to go, okay?"

"what?" matt looks up suddenly, confused. "what do you mean you have to leave?"

"it's aiden, he's-" louis bites his lip for a bit, "i'll work tomorrow morning okay? i'll work all day, yeah? six till eight, to make up for it. i just. i have personal business right now."

matt looks like he wants to argue for a second but there must be something in louis' gaze, because he nods. "alright. here, i'll take the front and see if liam can come in a bit earlier."

"thank you matthew," louis sighs, following the man through to the front. 

aiden's still standing where he was before, but his shoulders are tense, his fingers bent like claws at his sides. louis hops over the counter and pats niall's head once.

"you must be aiden!" matt says with a big smile and it shocks louis for a minute before he remembers.

oh.

aiden and matt have never formally met before. right.

"hey," aiden says back quietly, not even looking up at matt's extended hand. his fingers just grab at louis' as he pulls him to the doors. "see you later."

"bye matt," louis calls over his shoulder, mentally preparing himself for the cold winter winds. "i'll see you tomorrow morning, yeah?"

he doesn't hear the response over aiden's ragged breathing.

-

it's his nan. she's in the hospital, _again_ , and she's all that aiden has left of his family and he can't deal with this again, he just can't.

louis holds him tightly on their couch and whispers soft reassurances into his quivering shoulders. he pets his hair and presses kisses into the soft skin just below his hair and is reminded of just how awful it is to see aiden like this.

"what if she dies lou?" he asks him in a scratchy voice that makes louis pull him closer. "what if she's gone? what will i have left?"

"you'll have me," louis tells him, thumb coming up to wipe off the tears on aiden's left cheek. "you'll always have me, i promise."

aiden looks up at him then, and louis leans down to press a kiss onto aiden's red lips. they stay like that for a minute, sweet and sour kisses blending into the dark of their flat, before louis pulls away with a careful smile.

"she's going to be okay aidey," he says, knowing how much aiden hates the nickname, but also how much the words will mean to him. "she's a fighter, remember?"

aiden nods and then louis nods and they sit for a little longer before retreating to the soft darkness of their bedroom.

-

"jesus i need to get you some proper winter wear," liam says the next morning when he comes in at six on the dot to start his shift.

"thank you for covering for me last night," is all louis says back, a little jumped up on the caffeine he needed to be able to wake up this morning.

he felt horrible guilty for leaving aiden at home by himself, but had slipped out of the bed with a kiss on the forehead and left a note that involved a lot of x's and hearts. he also made pancakes and put them in the microwave for when aiden needs to heat them up.

hence the coffee.

"don't worry about it," liam waves him down, shedding off his thick coat and putting it under the counter. he's already got the company apron on underneath. "aiden okay?"

louis smiles and shrugs his shoulder, looking down at his hands. the paint that's been on his nails since a couple weekends back when he met up with his sisters in newcastle is almost gone. 

"what's that about winter wear?" he questions, putting some beans into the grinder machine. it makes a horrible noise, but it's a horrible noise louis' used to so he doesn't mind much. 

"you and aiden are existing off jumpers and cardigans, lou," liam looks like he's about to get into ultimate mother mode and louis can't tell if he's frightened or excited. "do either of you even _own_ a pair of mittens?"

"you know there's no extra money for coats liam," louis tells him with a sigh, tugging the sleeves of aiden's cardigan over his red fingers. "it's enough to pay for both rent and aiden's school – then there's his nan's nursing home." louis trails off a bit and offers a smile to liam. "besides, who needs mittens? down with hands, i say!"

"you're an odd one," liam frowns a bit but then chuckles because if there's one thing in the whole world that louis' good at, it's making liam payne laugh. 

"jealousy's a fickle friend," louis says in that serious voice of his, before shuffling off to the record player. "what do you think about springsteen?"

"born to run?" is liam's reply.

"i was thinking _greetings from ashbury park_ myself," louis comments back and he watches liam shrug.

"is that the one with that weird cover of blinded by light?" and louis just wants to _die in a hole_ because liam really does say the stupidest things sometimes.

"i've told you this a million times," louis huffs, dropping the needle onto the record and hearing the sweet sound of guitar fill the shop. "it's the _original_."

-

harry looks particularly lovely when he swings by the place at nearly eight that night. louis grins big at him and he waves back, waiting in the small queue in front of the register. 

"you're welcome!" louis chimes to the last of the twenty-something year old hipster crowd and watches them snag chairs by the window, bopping their heads to the _velvet underground and nico_ that louis has playing. 

"hey you!" he greets harry, all bright eyed and perhaps a little exhausted. he's been standing, surrounded by whiffs and sniffs of caffeine, for fourteen hours and it's starting to get to him. "tea? coffee? latte? please not a latte, i'm shit at making them."

"i'll just have a tea," harry smiles, digging into his pocket for a tenner. "and one of those cheese croissants i think."

louis nods and then winks, nudging his head to harry's regular seat. he slides the mug to him and then the plate, coming to lean his arms down across the counter from where harry's sitting.

"long day?" harry asks with a frown in his eyes. 

louis just laughs a little hysterically and then nods. "yeah. yeah, yeah, just a little bit."

harry purses his lips to the side a bit, which makes him look really weird, before he nudges his plate into the middle of the counter. "have a piece of my croissant."

"oh thank you lord," louis says, breaking off a piece with his small hands quickly and stuffing it into his mouth. rebecca, who usually took the night shift of seven to eleven thirty, had some major family problem and louis hadn't even thought before he was telling her he'd take the shift. he's regretting it now.

"when's the last time you ate?" harry asks, eyes a little wide at how quickly louis engulfs his pastry. 

"three something, i don't remember." louis wants to curl up into a ball under his duvet and be spoon fed pudding by aiden. "it's entirely illegal that i've been here all day, but i need the money, so i don't really care."

"sucks."

"yes," louis catches harry's green eyes and looks into them for a rather long time. "it does suck."

harry hums and they both sit quietly for a second before the ding of the bell goes off and louis looks up to see someone approaching the group by the window.

"holy shit," louis' eyes go wide and he straightens his back up as much as he can when he's leaning over. "okay look, wait no-" he grabs harry's chin and pulls it forward when the man's about to turn his head. "don't _look_ , but look, okay?"

harry nods a bit, looking at louis like he's the most insane person on the planet, and shifts a glance over his shoulder. "what am i looking at?" he whispers at louis when he pulls back around.

"i think nick grimshaw is in this shop." louis says while discreetly picking at his nails. he's trying to keep his voice to minimal freak-out level, even though he's been in love with the radio deejay since before he first met aiden and got his own grimshaw. 

"hm," harry looks back and then nods. "looks like it, yeah."

"harry you are not taking this as seriously as you should." louis gives him his best _look_ to which harry just sort of chuckles at.

"what, do you fancy nick grimshaw or something?" 

" _fancy_?" louis shakes his head, "oh no. no. it runs much deeper young harold."

"you do know my name isn't actually harold, right?"

"hush you," louis dips down to grab another cheese croissant from the display, because he's eaten harry's completely. "i've had a shit day and now _nick grimshaw is in the shop_."

"right," harry scratches his nose and louis doesn't think it's adorable at all. "did you see him on _never mind the buzzcocks_? that was hilarious."

"harold, that's possible where the obsession started." louis sighs and looks over to the tall man in the corner with his hipster friends. he's laughing. he has a lovely laugh. "i didn't realize he was so attractive under all that radioness."

"you're in love with the biggest hipster on the planet?" harry asks and it's in that voice that suggests that all louis needs to do is put one more laugh-worthy comment on the pile that is their conversation and harry will let out one of his inhuman noises. 

"basically," louis says, mentally adding that the statement was true on both accounts because both aiden and nick are rather large hipsters, and harry lets out his bark.

nick eventually ends up ordering a tea without milk and when louis prattles off the list of different types and nick tells him, _oh yorkshire, why not_ , he thinks he might possible fall over.

from love or exhaustion he doesn't know.

-

when aiden finally picks him up from work it's nearly midnight and he's standing outside the shop in a cardigan and his hat. he's cold and tired and he's been working for _eighteen hours_ and he's entirely certain that that's illegal. 

"you look knackered dear," aiden says when he kisses louis hello and it's all louis can do to nod into his chest and let himself be pulled towards the bus stop.

-

niall's funny in that actually funny way, wherein that he can put a grin on louis' face pretty easily and makes him laugh more often than not.

"so this bird, yeah," niall says over this big blueberry bagel he's got stuffed in his face. louis' serving coffees left right and centre for the big morning rush of anyone and everyone that walks by. they get a fair number of suits in and even more artist directors preaching fair trade into their iphones while trying to get to swindle grants out of the government for their theatre companies. 

"she's about to ask me back to her's or whatever, you know, a normal night out." niall sips at his coffee (black, two sugars) and louis sets him a wink while sliding a woman with crazy long hair her latte and looking bright eyed at the next person in line. "and then, out of the fucking blue, there's this bloke in front of us."

"no," louis turns to him in the middle of the man's order, eyes wide. "you did not get cockblocked by the _boyfriend_."

"sure as fucking did." niall sighs, popping a piece of juicy fruit into his mouth. "bitch didn't even mention she was there celebrating her boyfriend's promotion with – get this lou – with his goddamn _parents_."

"jesus murphy!" louis exclaims, turning back to the man in front of him who has a frown on his lips. "sorry about that, but you have to admit, that is one hell of a story."

"she didn't mention it at all?" yells some guy more towards the back of the line, with dreadlocks down to his bum. 

"not a word!" niall gives the man a _right?!_ look and half the queue mumbles along their agreement while louis gets the man his tea.

-

just after lunch zayn pops into the shop with bright eyed, pretty haired perrie the platypus under his arm. louis practically knocks over a tray of freshly made cookies in his excitement to meet her.

"you're perrie!" he greets her just before they get to the register. the few people scattered amongst the shop give him shocked looks but he waves them off, smiling widely at zayn who's rolling his eyes.

"you must be louis," she says with a little laugh and louis tries to stick his arms out over the counter to give her a hug but zayn pulls her back by the hand a little, as if to stop louis from getting too much of her at once.

"we just got back from that exhibition at the art museum 'round the corner," zayn says while tossing a tenner on the counter to pay for their sandwiches. perrie's already sitting quietly in zayn's usual spot. "some really cool pieces there."

"now we're just finishing up the date," perrie laughs as louis hands her tea in a _hello my name is: BRUCE_ mug. "i've got to get back to work at three."

louis wants to ask where perrie works and if it's close enough that they can visit each other on long shift and if it take long for her to get her hair so pretty, but he can really only focus on one part of the conversation.

"you guys go on _dates_?" he asks incredulously. 

zayn laughs all big and unabashedly like he hardly ever does and louis lets himself appreciate it for half a second before he's back to being confused. "jesus louis. of course we go on dates - what kind of boyfriend do you even have?"

"a bad one apparently," louis frowns, straightening said boyfriend's _the horrors_ t-shirt. "i can't remember the last time aid and i went somewhere for an actual date."

"well that's rubbish," perrie gives him sympathetic eyes and he pats her head once, which makes her laugh. 

-

he calls aiden on the phone in the back which is technically against policy, but seeing as how louis hasn't seen the owner of the store since the day he got hired, he figures no one's going to mind much. 

"is that you lou?" aiden asks as soon as he picks up the phone, voice hushed down so his nazi boss at the music store (where aiden teaches twelve year olds to sing and play piano) doesn't hear him. "you do know that i'm at work yeah? and that _you're_ at work?"

"mr. grimshaw," louis has that voice that he only breaks out on specific, special occasions where aiden needs a little bit of an extra push to really get him to do what louis wants him to. "why is it that i've had young lovers on dates and things flit through my establishment all day? why do they seem so free? why do they seem so _in love_ and _carefree_ even though they've been together for mere weeks?"

"what?"

"i am in the depths of despair and you waste time asking one worded questions?"

"how are you even real?" aiden asks him, but his voice is louder and amused, which means he must have to escaped to the loo. 

"i ask myself the same question every day." louis states back calmly and tries not to take any pleasure from aiden's laughter. "no stop it, i'm mad at you."

"what've i done now?" aiden sighs.

"it's what you haven't done!" louis flicks a bit of dough-y stuff that's under his nail away and wrinkles his nose at it. "when's the last time you and i went on a proper date, huh? when's the last time you took me to dinner?"

it's quiet on the other line before aiden begins, incredulously, "you want me to take you out on a _date_."

"well yes," louis rolls his eyes; sometimes aiden was just so dense. "that is the general idea."

"okay." aiden probably has that smile on his face, the one that had charmed louis to pieces right at the beginning. "alright, yeah. i'll take you to dinner tonight. we'll go to that place with the nice steaks that you like so badly."

"good." louis says immediately, and then feels a little guilty. "i'm sorry. i just felt a little sad about our lack of wooing each other."

"i'm already wooed by you lou," aiden tells him and louis bites his lip, mostly to stop himself from saying _solid rhyme there love!_ but also because it's a rather lovely, romantic thing to say. "you're off at four, yeah?"

"yeah."

"alright," aiden's grin is probably taking over all of his face by this point and louis can't help but smile at the mental image. "i'll see you then. get ready to swoon, louis tomlinson."

"whatever aiden grimshaw." louis twirls the cord of the phone with one of his fingers but stops because the last time he did that it turned into a big mess of wires and cords and matt didn't talk to him for three hours. "i'll see you soon."

"i love you." 

even now, after nearly four years of it being told to him every morning and every night and sometimes in between too, the words still make louis' stomach flutter a little. someone _loves_ him. it's a pretty surreal feeling.

"love you too." he hangs up and shuffles to the front. the giddy smile on his lips doesn't fade for nearly an hour afterwards. 

-

they're both wearing button down shirts that they haven't been seen in since louis' grandfather's funeral and they're drinking fancy wine and louis really missed seeing aiden as his boyfriend instead of _just aiden_.

"this is really, really nice," louis says while patting his mouth down with a napkin, because he's on his best behavior. "thank you for taking me here."

"it's my pleasure," aiden smiles that little shy smile he did on their _first_ date, so many years ago. louis shivers with the romance of it all and plays with aiden's fingers across their bread dishes. 

"i'm still not sure how you're going to be _paying_ for all this," louis trails off with a soft smile and he chuckles a bit at aiden's shrug, nose all scrunched up like it is when he just doesn't give a damn.

they order crème brule to share because it reminds both of them of their impromptu decision to go to paris one weekend, nearly two years ago. it had been a holiday of far too many sweets and far too much sex, but it had also been lovely and wonderful and sometimes, when louis shifts the curtains over the window in their bedroom just right so he can see just a corner of the london eye all lit up, he can still feel the pure _excitement_ of exploring one of the most beautiful cities in the world with his favourite person on the planet.

"this girl today," aiden's telling him after they've paid at the restaurant and are just wandering the streets of london, aimless and in love. their fingers are twisted together like the roots of two trees, immovable and solid and strong. louis swings them a bit as aiden continues his story. "she chose, out of all the possible songs on the planet, celine dion's _my heart will go on_."

"i love that song," louis says into aiden's shoulder, pulling him off to one of the benches in the park they've found themselves in. "such a nice melody."

"sure, right," aiden rolls his eyes but laughs a bit. louis learned very early on in their relationship that aiden has wicked, but deadly, taste in music. it's one of the many reasons why aiden avoids _cindy's_ at all costs. because music is one of the few things that louis and he don't agree on, and that's okay.

"was it awful?" louis lets himself slump onto aiden's side a little, blinking up to see his profile. "hearing her sing that?"

"it really, really was," aiden's nose goes all scrunchy again, and he laughs when louis brings a finger up to smooth it. "there's nothing worse than a thirteen year old who thinks she's celine dion."

louis hums and aiden brings his arm around him. "are you falling asleep on me louis tomlinson?"

"tired," louis squashes a yawn in aiden's itchy cardigan. "possibly sick. also cold. and i think i drank too much wine."

"here," aiden pulls away enough to take off his cardigan and drapes it over louis' shoulders, just like in all the movies. "that better?"

"thanks," louis wants to comment on the cheesiness of it all, but he's been on his best behavior all night and he doesn't want to ruin it now. plus it _is_ warmer with it on, and the familiar smell of cigarettes and cinnamon makes him fall a little deeper in love.

they sit quietly for a bit, looking out at the shadows that the lamp across the street. louis starts humming along to the tune of _the sound of silence_ and aiden grins down at him halfway through the first verse, something unreadable in his eyes.

"hey louis," he says, the hand around louis' clenching a little tighter. louis sinks into it a bit, even though both their fingers were nearly frozen off, red and chaffed in the cold winter wind. 

"yeah aid?" he buries his face in aiden's slightly trembling shoulder. they should probably walk back to their flat now. he doesn't want to leave though.

"will you marry me?"

louis' ears pick up on the steady rate of aiden's heart beat and counts to ten before he pokes his head up. "pardon?"

"will you," aiden swallows and looks down at their fingers. "do you, like. maybe, want to like - want to marry me?"

louis' never been speechless before.

"fuck," aiden brings his free hand to scrub across his eyes. "i was going to do this properly. i wanted to do this properly."

"you just asked me to marry you." louis has to work this out because otherwise he's probably going to like, fall off the bench and die a confusing death. "you – you want to _marry_ me."

"i'm sorry," aiden is so self conscious and louis' been working on that since they first met and aiden had been barely been able to look at him even when louis had told all his best jokes. "i'm so sorry, god."

"aiden grimshaw," louis doesn't feel the cold when he squares his shoulders and glares a little. "why in fuck's name are you sorry?"

"i just-" aiden's breath is coming out a little faster than louis would like and he's going have to cut this off now.

"of course i'll marry you." louis says.

aiden turns to meet his eyes and there's a second where neither of them do anything but think about the word _marriage_ and how many scary feelings come along with it.

but louis also gets a little funny warmth bubble sprout in his stomach and he can't help but let a grin spread across his face.

they meet in the middle, their lips mashed together. there's way too much teeth, grins trying to push forward in the moment of happiness, but louis does not give a flying fuck. aiden's frozen fingers clutch at louis' waist and louis' hands are scrambling about around the back of aiden's neck. aiden pulls him up for a second and then louis stumbles into straddling his lap with a laugh and aiden's hands wander down a bit to louis' bum instead. 

their kisses turn soft as time goes by until finally louis pulls away with one hand stroking down aiden's jaw, the other just under the collar of his fancy shirt.

in the cold air their breath turns white in between them, but louis' too busy looking into aiden's dark eyes to care much. 

"wow okay," aiden lets out a laugh and swallows, gaze on louis' lips. "was not expecting such a good response."

louis chuckles a slides his arms around aiden's shoulders. "do i get a ring, then?"

"'course," aiden's eyes sparkle a bit as he pulls louis into his chest a bit and then slides his hand down into the pocket of his cardigan. louis shuffles a bit so he can arch his neck down right, and then chokes out a laugh.

"is that an actual _baggie_?" 

"shut it," aiden has the decency to look a bit ashamed while he unseals the ziploc and starts shimmying the ring out. "i figured that the last thing either of us need right now is a thousand pound ring in a box."

"i'd never be able to get off the ground!" louis exclaims, chuckling a bit at his little joke. "it's funny because i was making a play on words there with-"

"louis, you have to get off me now so i can do this properly," aiden sighs, but the smile on his face is poking through and louis nods and shuffles himself off aiden's lap and into a standing position.

and then aiden's crouching in front of him on one knee and they both might actually be crying right now and the nerves in louis' tummy are flying around at the speed of light, but all he does is stand quietly, peacefully, while aiden uses his full name and stumbles through a speech, and then slides this cool band of _ring_ onto louis' finger. 

-

they make it home sometime after midnight, hands all interlocked and mouths all bruised, frozen to the bone but also filled with more love than either of them thought possible.

when they get into the warm light of their bedroom louis can finally glance down at his third finger and _look_. the ring's jet black and made of glass, of all things. it wraps around his finger tightly and then cuts off just as it passes, like a spiral instead of a full circle. 

he positively _adores_ it, and waves off aiden's long winded, deep and passionate explanation of why it's so perfect for their relationship, and why it's actually not a ring – it's a metaphor.

it takes a ridiculously short amount of time to take off their shirts and trousers and pants until they're both lying on their bed, eyes wide with love, naked but for the ring on louis' finger.

and later, when louis' riding aiden, hands all sliding over smooth, sweaty skin, aiden reaches for louis' ring and kisses it quietly as he comes.

-

the next morning louis gets to work extra early, one of aiden's emo scarves pulled up to his ears to hide the love bites that line down his neck. he doesn't think his giddy grin is _ever_ going to get off his face. he doesn't really want it to.

by the time harry comes in, all bundled up with laptop under his arm, it's nearly eight and _the eagles' greatest hits_ is filling the room with sweet, sweet noise.

"the eagles?" harry asks when he gets to the front of the line, and louis' already put aside his tea and muffin, sliding it to his regular spot. "did you get your heartbroken last night or something?"

"oi!" louis will never understand people's connection between the eagles and love lost. "they make me happy, alright? and right now i'm happier than i've been for a very long time."

_peaceful easy feeling_ was the song that aiden and louis had their first time to, as odd as that is. it was in aiden's old dorm room, and the american exchange student that lived next door had been playing the album on repeat all day. 

"huh," harry's green eyes light up all prettily and louis has no shame in admitting that harry's pretty, because he's no longer someone's boyfriend, he's someone's _fiancé_ , and that means that he can appreciate other men's looks. he just cannot touch. 

but louis wouldn't want to touch harry's eyeball anyway.

"what's got you so happy this early in the morning?" harry asks him and louis just sighs happily, leaning back into the frothing machine. he feels like a preteen girl. 

"i have to tell you later," louis winks at him and then just spins on spot to get rid of some energy. harry laughs at him and he smiles even wider. "i promised liam would be the first one to know if what happened was to happen."

"fair enough," harry takes a bite out of his muffin and offers a bit to louis, who automatically takes it. "guess i'll just find out later then."

"guess so, mr. styles," louis smiles, leaning his forearms across the counter so he can lift the lid of harry's laptop. "you written anything good yet?"

"about fifty thousand words into that one i told you about, with the girl who becomes a fairy." harry yawns and ruffles up his hair. "but i can't figure out if i want a romantic plot in there or not."

"always go for romance," louis nods solemnly, and wisely. he's three whole years older than harry, well, two and a month really, so he knows what he's talking about.

also the events of the night before have changed him a little.

"really?" harry hums down at his muffin. "i think romance ruined a great number of the classics of our time: _the hunger games_ trilogy, _artemis fowl_ series, _twilight_ saga…"

louis could listen to the soft drawl of his voice for a very long time, which makes him shake himself a bit. "but twilight's actually a romance."

"exactly."

they laugh together for a bit, and then harry sighs, dragging the laptop to face him more proper. his thin eyebrows furrow a bit as he shifts in his chair. louis cups his own jaw and leans on the counter to regard him.

"you know, i honestly think you need a muse. you're someone that would work well with one, i think," louis nods at his own words and doesn't let himself get distracted by harry's green gaze. "i can just picture you in some flat in paris writing in little moleskins while some gorgeous french girl walks around half naked."

"right," harry snorts and takes a sip out of his tea. "i can barely say two words in french, i can hardly see myself wooing some french girl."

"you've got dimples, you could do anything." louis tells him all serious faced, but then laughs because he can't help it. his good mood much be infectious because harry's eyes are shining bright.

"you know," harry starts with a cheeky grin, " _you_ could be someone's muse."

"are you trying to imply something here mr. styles?" he asks with a raised brow.

"not a thing, dear."

"hm," louis winks at him and spins the ring on his finger once. "i think i'd quite like being a muse. lots of sitting around and chatting. lots of coffee drinking."

"you don't even like coffee."

"yes, but you can't be a muse that drinks _tea_!" louis rolls his eyes and then laughs, his loudest yet. "really harry, try and keep up now."

"you've got some serious laugh lines," harry points out, one long finger coming to poke at the scrunchy bits around louis' eyes. 

louis looks at harry's finger all cross-eyed until harry moves it away with an easy grin. louis swallows.

"i've always wondered," harry clears his throat and shifts an eye around the marginally busy shop. "what's the difference between a muse and an enigma?"

"an enigma is just someone that's a puzzle piece that doesn't fit." louis spins his ring again and then moves his hands so they rest near his thighs, under the table. "a muse is someone that gets the creative juices of one's mind moving."

"so a muse is an enigma."

"usually. i guess. i'm not an expert at these things."

"i think you're an enigma," harry looks at him with humour but also a lot of sincerity. "honest, i do. this isn't a come-on."

louis blushes just a bit, because the last twenty four hours have just been a slew of compliments. "no i'm not."

"but you are."

"no, no – i just work at a coffee shop."

"but you're – you're so interesting. i want to write you poems, may i write you poems?" he looks so goddamn earnest just then, like a child with just a splash of devil's sin, and louis wants to tell him about aiden. right then. but he _promised_ liam and then stan and then zayn.

he smiles all mysterious like instead. "you can write whatever you like."

"but will you read them?"

"perhaps. i do have a lot of free time on my hands."

"you better."

"if they're any good i will," louis says with a wink, but he smiles sweetly at harry after because he likes harry a lot, really, and he's pretty sure all of harry's nice words and cheeky smiles are just how he is. because if louis looked like harry looks, all red lips and pretty eyes and curly hair, he certainly wouldn't settle for _louis_. 

"i'm going to hold you to that."

"go ahead."

"i will."

"okay."

louis grins and stands, stretching, looking over to where the _the eagles_ has finally switched off. 

"ick." louis wrinkles his nose. "i have to get that."

"but i haven't been inspired yet. you haven't inspired me at all." harry pouts a little and louis' eyes flick from his eyes to his bottom lip and back up. "you're a shit muse."

"i'm terribly sorry, but half my job's the music. and no music is playing."

"alright. well, have fun over there. over _there_."

"you're a bit of a kook harry styles," louis patted his head twice, "i think i'll keep you."

-

liam comes in the shop around eleven o'clock and there's only a couple stragglers by the window. harry's been gone for an hour and louis' so tired of carrying the secret that he had to put on _how to save a life_ because he's at the absolute end of his rope.

"liam!" louis practically melts when he sees the familiar face come through the door. "oh thank the heavens it's liam."

"you haven't burnt something, have you?" liam asks, sniffing around as he approaches the register. he smiles at some of the regulars and then shoots louis a _look_. "it smells like burnt muffins."

"just the tips earlier," louis waves his hands around madly for a second. "liam."

"ugh, and is that aiden's old cardigan from sixth form?" liam wrinkles his nose like a puppy dog. "you know that things been puked on about sixteen times, why are you wearing it?"

"'m cold. also possibly sick. and we haven't done laundry in two weeks," louis leans over to hold liam's shoulders. "liam."

"and why aren't there any sweetners on the counter?" liam sighs like his whole life is a catastrophe and louis can't help but wonder why liam's his best friend. "you didn't eat them all again, did you?"

"liam!" louis' eyes are probably crazed but he doesn't care. "aiden and i are getting married."

liam looks at him blankly for a second. louis lets go of his shoulders. they stare at one another for many moments.

then, "you what?"

"he asked me last night," louis, suddenly bashful and as shy as a school girl with pigtails, looks at his linked hands and plays with his ring. "we went out to dinner and then we were walking and then – pow! – just like that we were engaged. _engaged_."

"holy shit." liam's eyes are taking up most of his face now and louis' a little worried. "you and aiden are getting _married_."

"yes. yep. right. that's still weird to think about."

"that's amazing lou!" liam goes to embrace him and then stops. he runs around the counter fast as lightening and then smashed into louis' body at full speed. louis laughs and then liam laughs, but it's got a bit of a wet end to it, which means that liam's probably crying for him, and that makes louis get a little overly blinky and overwhelmed.

"you're getting _married_ ," liam whispers in his ear and louis has a whole body shiver. "jesus, that's amazing."

"i want you to be best man." louis tells him and he actually _feels_ liam's heart stop. "lee?"

"oh my god." liam clenches him even tighter. "oh my god. okay. yes. yes i accept."

louis laughs and pats down liam's back a little, but snuggles in closer to liam's warmth. 

-

he tells stan on the phone a little later and then zayn when he comes in the shop. they're both really really happy for him, even zayn who's only met aiden a few times. louis just writes that off as having a really shy _fiancé_ , and there's that word again, god.

he even tells matt, the next day when the other man's in the kitchen making cookies.

"you're late."

"matthew, i have the best news."

"i hope it's that you finally found your nametag," matt says with a narrowed look and a little smile, "because i'm sick of people coming up to the counter, looking me straight in the eye, and asking for matt."

"i tell the people i really like what my real name is!" louis protests with a grin. "everyone else just has to figure it out for themselves. and sometimes they make... assumptions."

"hm," matt gives him a side eyed glare before grinning, and passing him one of the oatmeal cookies on the finished plate. "hey, my band's playing a show tomorrow at _sticks and stones_ if you want to come."

"that sounds lovely matthew!" louis smiles bright, flicking flour off the warm jumper that his mum made him for his sixteenth birthday – all striped just how he likes it. "i have to tell you something!"

"what's up?"

"you know my uh," louis' been practicing the word _fiancé_ all day, but he still can't say it without mentally italicizing. "my boyfriend aiden, right?"

"not really," matt turns back to the cookie sheet and send louis an awkward smile. "only seen him twice and both times he was not interested in introducing himself."

"yeah, i'm sorry about the other week." louis scratches his ear, and then leans forward to do the same to matt's. "he's not normally like that. it was just a really bad day."

"i get it," matt reaches out to pat louis' shoulder all softly, and he'd probably think it weird if louis held on to his fingers, so he doesn't. "bring him to the show, if you want."

"yeah, he'd like that." louis nods. "oh right. so anyways. we're like. engaged."

matt looks at him and then grins really bright and sunny and it's almost too much, and louis has the weird thought of _wow matt's kind of attractive_ , before he's being pulled into a hug.

"i'm so happy for you man," he says to him and louis feels the happy warmth in his stomach flare up for the thousandth time today. "that's awesome. i'm even more excited to meet him now."

"you'll love him," louis promises, patting matt's cheek when he pulls away, and then flits back to the counter.

-

louis hums the entire day and later, when aiden pops into the shop to pick him up and walk the both of them back home, _a boy named goo_ is playing and louis hasn't stopped smiling since the night before.

they sit intertwined on the tube and are kissing before the door's even opened to their apartment. 

"holy shit," louis breathes out after aiden carefully pulls out of his body and they're both slick with sweat and saliva and come. "fiancé sex is way better than boyfriend sex."

"agree with you there," aiden says back with a grin, panting slightly as he pulls louis closer to his chest. one of his hands rests low on louis' back while the other slides his ring up and down, letting it catch at louis' nail before he pushes it back into its proper place.

-

harry's got a beige coloured bear hat that looks so warm that halfway through his order, louis just reaches over the cash register and snags it from his head.

he puts it on his own head and grins widely, "this hat is so _cool_."

"you are actually matt smith," harry tells him with bright, slightly startled eyes. 

"why do people always say that?" louis groans, taking a large bite out of his oatmeal cookie. "i just don't understand."

"are you offended by it?"

"course not," louis holds matt smith up in his mind with the likes of james corden and nick grimshaw and david walliams. "just that he plays a time traveling alien on television that wears bow ties and flirts with his best friend's kid is all."

"hey, no knocking the bowties."

"i really do like this hat," louis reaches up to tweak the ears and grins. "i feel like a real bear."

"give us a growl then," harry says with a cheeky grin, something unreadable in his eyes. he laughs out his bark like noise when louis bares his teeth and wrinkles his nose, growling something awful.

"do you like the music choice this late morning, mr. styles?" louis asks after harry's all settled in his seat. he's tugging on the back of the hat because he just can't help it.

"i don't know…" harry trails off a bit and cocks his ear closer to the speakers, as if that's going to help him identify who it is. louis is quite proud of his obscure fascinations with music. "who is it?"

"alex day, _soup sessions_ ," louis quirks an eyebrow and leans over to poke harry in the nose. "and you call yourself a pretentious hipster!"

" _you_ call me that."

"same thing."

"right," harry chuckles again, looking down at the table with a bit of a red blush across his cheeks. "look, i was going to ask you something before you started harassing me."

"go on then."

"so, i was just wondering.. uh," harry looks up, then dips his eyes down again and louis tries to follow them, "if maybe you wanted to go out for some food sometime?"

louis' confused for a second before it makes sense. "oh. _oh._ "

"it's totally cool if you don't want to," harry says quickly, red all over his cheeks and louis just wants to cry. "that's like, a hundred percent okay. jesus, i'm usually better at this."

"oh harry, i'd love to!" louis nods earnestly and he feels a little guilty at the tiny spark of hope in harry's eyes. "but. well, i'm engaged."

harry's eyes widen and they're both silent.

"engaged?" he asks and louis nods seriously. harry eyes flit down to louis' hand and louis awkwardly plays with the ring on his finger.

"yeah. to aiden. my uh, well my fiancé."

"oh. wow."

"we've sort of been dating for four years," louis lets him know, feeling rather awful. "i'm sorry. i really like you."

"right." harry nods a bit and then sips some of his tea. 

"we could still go on a date," louis smiles, all optimistic. "it just wouldn't be a date-date. more like a.. a friend date!"

"a _friend date_." harry looks unimpressed.

"we could go to the zoo," louis grins. "i've always wanted to go to the zoo."

"you've never been to the zoo before?" 

"no, no, i have. but i've always wanted to go, and then i did. but like.. i still want to go. all the time."

harry laughs a little and his eyes light up again and louis' hearts warms a bit in the best kind of way. "sure. i'll take you to the zoo."

"good, yeah," louis coughs and smiles at him. "and hey – if you're around tonight, you should come to my friend matt's show at that club. the one with the sticks."

" _sticks and stones_?" harry asks, his eyes half a candle too sad to be completely cheeky. "that sounds cool. are you going?"

"i hope so, yeah." louis nods, wanting to smile again at harry's sweet smile but not wanting to lead the poor boy on _again_. 

"okay, i'll try to be there," harry looks down at his tea and then back up again, eyes all big and green and pretty.

louis bites his lip and nods, looking over to the big glass windows and watching the world go by. they stay silent for the rest of the morning.

-

aiden and louis get to matt's gig sometime before eight, hands intertwined and love bites all over aiden's neck. 

"there's the men of the hour!" liam calls from the bar and louis grins, pulling aiden over. liam hugs both of them, congratulating them again and again on the engagement and passing aiden over a guinness with a smile.

"absolutely mental that you're doing this now, but i think it's nice." liam tells them and louis just shrugs, sipping at his beer quietly. 

they find zayn sometime later, all hunched over a ratty notebook in a booth in the corner. he shuffles over to let them in and then strike up a conversation with aiden about his job. louis plays with aiden's fingers while looking around the pub, trying to see either matt or harry.

"who're you after?" liam asks him sometime later, inquisitive behind the water bottle he's sipping from. louis leans over to tweak his nipple and laughs at his squeal.

"i invited harry this morning, just wondering if he's going to show." louis catches the odd look liam sends him but ignores it, choosing to pull aiden's arm around him instead. aiden complies, giving him a bemused look, before continuing with zayn. 

harry enters the pub a little while later with a red haired man toting a dirty rucksack and a green coat. louis has a mad thought for half a second along the lines of _why did he ask me out if he's already got someone?_ but then he sees the ginger's eyes stray over a blonde woman at the bar for a half beat too long and just smiles instead.

he pops out from under aiden's arm and waves harry over. harry tugs his friend along with him and together they squeeze into the booth.

louis smiles big at harry, "didn't know if you were going to come!"

"'course," harry waves it off like nothing and then reaches over to take a sip of louis' beer. "i always try and support local bands. and ed said he knows matt from somewhere or something, so i brought him along."

"cool," louis grins, and then sticks a hand out for ed to take. "hello redhead ed! i'm louis!"

"hello louis," redhead ed says with a small smile. "pleased to meet you."

"aiden, darling," louis turns to his _fiancé_ with a big grin and buts into zayn and his conversation easily. "this is harry from the shop, and his friend ed!"

"oh," aiden blinks away from zayn and looks over at harry with the shy kind of smile he always get when he meets someone for the first time. "you must be fit harry with the dimples then."

louis imagines that his blush might be visible from space, but harry just laughs loudly, displaying said dimples quite nicely, and gives louis a raised eyebrow. "fit eh?"

"i've changed my mind a bit since the other day," louis says with a sniff and hurries to finish his sentence so harry doesn't think he means the bit where _harry actually asked him out_. "you said i was like the doctor!"

"you are though," zayn tells him and liam, the traitor, joins in to laugh.

"where's matthew?" louis scowls, looking around the crowded pub. aiden pats his thigh for a second and then leaves his hand there, a warm presence. "he doesn't make fun of me like this."

"whatever lou," harry says with an eye roll, leaning over to stick a hand out to aiden. "you must be aiden, the fiancé."

"wow, yeah," aiden laughs and shake his hand back, giving louis a funny look. "that's weird to hear, eh?"

"fucking _bizarre_ ," louis agrees, and then notices the tip of matt's hat in the crowd. "there he is! oi, matthew!"

matt barely looks over before he's pushing himself up to the makeshift stage in the opposite corner. the rest of the band find themselves on the stage in the next minute and louis begins cheering widely, smiling all big. 

"you'll love his voice, i promise you," he whispers to aiden for the fifth time that night. aiden just nods back, eyes not leaving the stage from where the band's setting up.

"and this is matt with the nametag who wrote you the song about schizophrenia?" harry asks in his ear, breathing warm air across the delicate skin there. louis suppresses a shudder and just nods instead.

"just out of curiousity - did you honestly think my name was matt before i introduced myself properly?" louis pulls away a bit and watches harry's eyes light up.

"not really," harry comments, snatching a chip out of the plate that liam's sharing with zayn. "you don't really look like a matt."

"more like a louis then?" 

"or a weehawken, whatever," harry says, and the smile that he gives when louis laughs loudly makes louis' stomach clench a little.

-

the show's really really good. ed goes across the pub to find the drummer – who he jammed with once when they were both a leeds one time drunk, supposedly – and aiden can't stop clapping.

"his voice really _is_ incredible," he tells louis and louis just sniffs his nose a bit and grabs a nacho off his plate, plopping it into his mouth with a smirk.

"told you."

"yeah, whatever."

"hey lee," louis calls across the booth towards the other man, who's texting danielle or something. "do you have a tissue?"

"i don't think so," liam, bless his heart, riffles through his pockets for a second before shrugging. "why do you need one anyways?"

"i told you, i'm probably sick," louis sighs, holding the sleeve of his jumper up to his nose and sighing. "my nose has been running something awful for the past ten minutes."

"here," harry says, pulling out the napkin from under his pint. "it's not great, but it's better than a snot ridden sweater."

louis smiles and then does a quick swap – trading the napkins in harry's hand for his sleeve quickly. he presses the slightly coarse material to his nose and blows on them once. "thanks."

"you're welcome," harry says with a wink, picking up the empty bottle of louis' beer with a grin. "get you another drink?"

"please." harry slides out, one hand on louis' shoulder to steady himself briefly before he skirts over to the bar. louis watches him for half a second before turning back to the table. liam and zayn are wrapped up in a conversation about _feeder's_ new album but aiden is looking at his closely.

"what's up?" louis asks with just a bit of an eyebrow raise.

"nothing," aiden says, looking down at his drink before reaching out to grab a couple peanuts from the bowl on the table. "you two are just closer than i thought you'd be is all."

louis frowns slightly but looks away, eyes scanning the crowd for harry again. he sees the top of his curly head a minute later, navigating through the thick crowds with louis' beer clasped in his hand, and louis suppresses the feelings of guilt that come piling up in his stomach, because he has nothing to be guilty of.

-

matt and aiden end up getting on well. _really_ well.

louis leaves them chatting right next to the stage about twenty minutes after he's introduced them. the conversation had gone from work to the engagement to guitar chords to _massive attack's_ first album and louis just needs to leave because he's getting confused.

he pats aiden on the shoulder as he goes and gets a half hearted wave in return.

the idea of getting another drink lingers in his head for half a second before he shakes in off. he _used_ to be that person, the one that would down jello shot after jello shot and then spend the entire night drunkenly fucking some bloke in the toilet of the pub, but that was before he met aiden, and he never really like that side of himself, to be perfectly honest.

stan would always give him such _disappointed_ looks the morning after, when they finally slept off their hangovers, as he saw the red bites down louis' neck. he'd sigh and say _louis, you need to stop doing this to yourself because it's going to fuck you up in later life and i don't want to have to pick you up at some police station one day when you're homeless and i'm finally married to kate moss_ and louis would just glare back but feel pretty guilty too.

"do you need another drink?" a voice asks softly in his ear as louis shifts himself up against a wall of the bar, people watching about. he turns his head and harry's cheeky smile fills his vision and makes him laugh.

"oh god no," louis goes to shuck his hand in the pockets of his trousers but then remembers that he wore his party jeans tonight – tight, dark, and perfect for showing off his bum.

he figures matt deserves them.

"i'm taking the liam payne way of life," louis tells harry quite sensibly, patting harry on the shoulder in the most condescending way he can imagine. "you wouldn't understand because you're not as great as me and him."

"right, of course." harry says with a sly grin and louis smiles back a bit too, looking out at the crowd in the bar. "hey lou?"

"yeah?"

"you and aiden, you uh-" harry bites his lip, then opens his mouth to swipe his tongue across the bottom of his top teeth and louis doesn't stare, not at all. "you don't have like, a couple name."

"a couple name?" louis frowns.

"like bragelina," harry flutters his eyelashes and takes a huge gulp out of the drink he's harbouring. "i've been trying to make one for the two of you but it just doesn't work."

"well what've you got so far?" louis asks tugging a bit on the sleeve of harry's nice pretty blazer. 

"lou-den," harry chants, shuffling a bit closer to louis and louis assumes it's because he's trying to be heard over the din of the crowd but the glint in harry's eye suggests otherwise. "or aid-y. it just doesn't work."

"well who needs a couple name anyways?" louis shrugs, a bit moodily, and crosses his arms. "i certainly don't."

"right."

"i'm serious."

"of course you are."

louis sighs and does not smile at all when harry laughs all big. they stand in a pit of silence for a bit, letting the pulsing noise of the bar fill it up. 

then louis feels warm breath on the side of his neck and harry whispers in his ear, "do you want to know our couple name?" louis can smell the alcohol on his breath though.

" _harry_."

"it's just a question," harry protests but louis still locks him with one of his looks.

"please stop."

"i'm not doing anything lou, i'm just – you know," he grins one of those big, bright, fill the universe up with joy grins and louis looks down at his dirty old toms for a second. "making conversation."

"okay fine," louis looks up and hums twice. "what would our couple name be harry?"

"larry," harry winks down at him and louis shakes his head. "now that's what i call a name."

"you're insufferable."

"and you look really nice in those jeans," harry tells him and louis' face heats up. 

"and you're on your way to drunk, dear." louis quips, shooting a glare to the nearly empty vodka contraption in harry's long fingers. "maybe you should slow down."

"me having a couple drinks has nothing to do with how _fantastic_ your ass looks tonight," harry says all cheeky and only a little bit slurred, eyes roaming down louis' body. he squirms under the attention and turns a bit so harry will stop.

"stop looking at me like that," he chides and harry reaches out to grab at his waist, large fingers burning him. louis flinches away.

"like what?" harry's eyes are going a bit dark now; probably the drink or the heat of the club taking control of his body now. "like you're hot?"

"like i'm a piece of _meat_ ," louis tries to spit out but it probably comes out more like a whimper than anything. he's never been very good at defending himself when it actually counts. 

most people like it when other people fawn over them drunkenly. louis is not most people. 

harry smirks and louis nearly closes his eyes at the next words because even though he _knows_ harry's drunk and would never, ever say the things he's saying sober, it still makes him feel bad. just really, really _awful_.

"more like a fucking tease," and he winks after, meaning it as a joke but louis doesn't – can't take it that way because it hits hard. he shakes his head and bites his lip and pulls away when harry reaches an arm out to him.

he can hear harry call for him while he stalks away but he doesn't even think about turning because he's out to get lost in the crowd and find aiden and _oh god he needs a drink_.

he finds them still chatting where he left them, moving onto the merits of _the specials_ and much like weeks ago when aiden had shuffled into the shop and clung to louis, louis interjects the conversation easily, bypassing matt to wind his arms around aiden's torso.

"lou?" aiden asks in the blunt way he has, shouting a little to be heard over the jessie j that's blaring out of the bar's speakers. "you alright?"

louis' nose is running again and he thinks there are some tears trying to leap out from under where his eyelids are shut tightly. "can we go home please?"

"louis?"

"please aid," louis clings that much tighter and he doesn't try to stop the sob that exits his mouth, rocking his whole body slightly. " _please_."

"right, course," aiden shuffles around, one hand low on louis' back, to slip a hand into his pocket. he pulls out his mobile and tosses it to, presumably, matt. louis doesn't really want to look back and see his friend's face, because even just imagining the shock and worry that's probably on it is making his stomach hurt.

"i'll text you tomorrow, yeah?" aiden says as matt hands back the phone. he slips it into his pocket and then louis feels a warm hand join aiden's on his back, clapping his shoulder gently. 

"thanks for coming lou," matt says quite sweetly next to his ear and louis nods, darting his eyes a bit to look over at him. his face is hopeful and full of all that worry so louis shoots him a watery smile and pulls on the bottom of aiden's cardigan.

they push through the crowd together and are out the door in a minute, louis clinging to aiden's side like nothing else. 

when they pass through the door, out into the dark, london streets, louis gulps down the cool air and presses his forehead into aiden's shoulder.

-

the next morning aiden calls matt and tells him that louis isn't coming in, while louis lays across their bed all wrapped up in the sheets. 

aiden has to leave for class after eight, and then needs to catch the bus into work, so he leans overtop of louis and kisses him sweetly, letting their tongues tie together gently in the soft sounds of the london streets that are coming from their opened window.

at half past nine the door bell to the flat rings and when louis shuffles over, still swarthed in blankets with one sock on, he sees liam through the keyhole all smiling and bright and holding up a bag full of baking supplies.

liam makes him chocolate chip banana pancakes and then sits down to watch louis' favourite season (the first) of _one tree hill_ , letting louis' snuggle under his arm and doesn't even ask why louis glares at jake jageilski whenever he comes on screen, muttering _fucking curls_ under his breath.

-

two days later the electrical bill comes in and louis sighs really loud when aiden just passes it to him and kisses him lightly on the cheek.

"matt texted me yesterday and said that you're welcome to his shift tomorrow morning," aiden says before he stands up, his back cracking once, and turns to the pile of dishes in the sink. "if you want to that is."

louis purses his lips a bit but calls matt on aiden's phone to let him know that he'd _love_ to open the shop up the next morning. and when he and aiden go to sleep later that night louis doesn't put his head on aiden's shoulder like usual. instead he turns away from him and faces their half opened window, eyes taking in the soft edge of london at night, and falling asleep to aiden's breathing across the bed.

-

_rome_ is on when louis finally turns the sign on the door from _sorry we're closed!_ to _welcome to cindy's!_. he sashays around the store to the mellow bass lines and waltzes about when norah comes on, all soft and soulful. 

the first customer is steve, a regular, who asks louis' how he's doing and why he was away for so long (a total of three days) before jetting off with a mobile held up to one ear, his black with two sugars held under his coat to protect it from the rain.

after steve it becomes a blur of familiar faces and suits, all smiles and frowns and bobbing heads when the queue gets a bit stacked up and the music takes over the morning. 

louis scratches at his nose and tries to keep the smile on his face there all day but finds he just _can't_ and there's nothing to it. 

harry walks in some time after ten, when the only other person in the shop is the homeless man in the corner of the sofa by the right, eyes wide as he reads the newspaper. 

louis falters a bit as harry walks towards him, steady but hesitant, something awkward and awful in his eyes. louis looks down at his hands and fiddles with his ring for half a second before looking up at harry.

"'lo, lou," his voice is a little coarse, probably rough with sleep.

"harry," louis acknowledges with a nod and a cough. "can i get you something? some tea perhaps?"

"louis i'm so sorry," harry says and louis doesn't know if he means for it to, but it comes out as a whisper. "i swear i didn't mean to say any of those things the other night. i wouldn't, you know that."

louis looks up at him, at his young earnest eyes, and then back down at the counter. "but you did."

"louis i am _so_ sorry. you have to believe me."

"i do believe you," louis maintains eye contact until the green overwhelms him and he has to look down again. "but that doesn't mean i forgive you."

silence.

louis sneaks a look out at harry who's playing with his own fingers, ringing them together and biting his lip until it looks red and harsh and painful. he tries not to feel guilty at how guilty harry looks and instead itches his nail into some crust that's stuck to the counter.

"okay," harry clears his throat and sounds determined enough that louis has to look up again. "apologizing doesn't mean anything, so, can i. um. how can i make it up to you?"

louis stares into his eyes for a half beat too long. they're strong and sweet looking, but there's something else there. something scared and young and helpless, desperate for louis to just give him something to work with. louis sighs.

"you can start by writing me one of those poems you always go on about," louis chants, turning around to fiddle with the cappuccino machine because he can't look at harry while he says this. "and then take me on that zoo friend date you promised."

he can't see any sort of recognition from harry, but the, "sounds good, yeah, okay" he gets back makes him smile a bit.

-

louis takes his twenty minute break and sits out behind the brick building with niall, tossing a hacky sack back and forth between them in between bites of the nando's chicken that niall had gotten for him on his way into the shop.

"you alright then, mate?" louis asks him when he's finished eating, wiping his greasy fingers over a napkin. "you've been unattached as of recent."

"yeah," niall stretches a bit, gently under-handing the ball into louis' face. "just you and aiden, you know."

"hm?"

"i realized that you guys have, like, an actual strong relationship. and that i, you know, kind of... would like that. or whatever." niall looks down at his feet and louis' heart breaks slightly. he wipes away an imaginary tear.

"niall horan." louis begins, hand on his chest. "are you insinuating that me and aiden are your very _inspiration_?"

"it's aiden and i," niall says with an eye roll while louis stands all dramatic, waltzing his way over to hold niall in his arms. "and i wouldn't say inspiration more- oi, gerroff me!"

"darling, sweet darling niall," louis hums, arms wound tight around niall's head as he crouches in front of him. "you are too precious for this world."

"i hate you."

"oh baby, just go to sleep."

"really. fucking hatred."

"i'm going to find you a special someone," louis promises as he pulls back slightly ,eyes wide and earnest, lips slightly blue in the nippy weather. "i'll find you someone if it's the last thing i do."

"you're the devil."

\- 

aiden gets home a bit later than usual that night.

louis is all wide eyes and pouty lips when he finally drops down onto their couch, kicking his feet up to the grimy coffee table that's got rings of spilled drinks and scuff marks like nothing else.

"where've you been?" louis asks, shuffling his hand a bit so aiden can get his hand in the baby carrot bag he's demolishing. he hears aiden sigh a bit before the snap of a carrot being eaten reaches his ears.

"your friend matt's painting the shop," aiden says and louis shoots him a weird look out of the corner of his eye. "we were chatting about nothing while i was on my shift, and then we went out to hmv to pick up _el camino_ as neither of us have it yet. and one of his mates runs the place so we stayed a bit longer."

"that sounds fun," louis smiles and aiden gives one back, throwing out an arm to drag louis into his body by the waist. 

"mm," aiden hums, pulling louis up a bit so he's nearly in aiden's lap. "i can think of something a bit more fun to do…"

louis laughs and then there's aiden's tongue in his mouth, heavy and familiar. he sighs into the kiss and arches his back up when aiden slides his hands along to hitch and paw at his bum. 

they snog like that for awhile, all hands and lips and tongues and teeth, until aiden's hands tighten at louis' waist and he pushes him down, coming to rest on top of him on their small couch. louis spreads his legs as aiden bites down his neck, the feeling of hooking his ankle over the back of aiden's knee familiar and sweet. they've done this a million times. and it's lovely every single time without fail.

afterwards, with their bodies slick with sweat and come and their chests rising and falling like clockwork, aiden presses a kiss into louis' hairline.

"love you," he whispers.

louis mumbles something back while snuggling deeper into the warmth of aiden. he's comfortable and _sore_ and he's pretty sure there's an imprint of the queen's face on his shoulder, from the pound that was left on the couch, after being fucked into it by aiden for twenty or so minutes.

he falls asleep to the gentle hum of their refrigerator and thanks his lucky stars for such a blessed life.

-

they don't end up going to the zoo, partially because harry said that he once was kicked out of it for "disorderly conduct" – which louis takes to mean that he probably had sex with someone in the loos of the zoo and was caught – but mostly because it's february which means it's cold and probably miserable.

they go to _the deep_ instead.

"you're going where?" aiden asks early in the morning when louis rolls out of bed all pepped up and ready for the day. aiden's grumbly and his face is all red from where he slept on his pillow the wrong way.

"one of the most spectacular aquariums in the world!" louis cries delightedly, floundering around their messy room naked to find his clean pants. he read through the website last night and is very excited. "harry and i have to be at king's cross in a half an hour to catch the train to hull."

"wait," aiden sits up, holding his head briefly before shooting louis a _look_. louis stops rifling through their sock drawer to pay full attention. "you're going on a two hour train ride to the middle of god knows where to look at fish with some other bloke?"

"it's not the middle of nowhere, silly, it's in _hull_ ," louis shakes his head with a slight eye roll and slips his boxers on. he turns to grab his grey shirt off the doorknob and continues, "and besides, it's not just anyone, it's harry."

"harry, right." aiden slumps back down on the bed and covers his eyes with his arm. "harry who you used to call 'the fit customer with the dimples'."

"well harry _is_ fit, no denying that," louis chirps straightening his shirt and reaching for his trousers. "even niall says so."

"right, of course, silly me," aiden says in this kind of snippy tone that makes louis' mouth drop open.

"aiden grimshaw," louis freezes from where he's tugging his tight party jeans over his thighs. "there is no way you are actually _jealous_."

"oh god," aiden groans, shifting the blankets above his head as louis grins stupidly. "no i'm not fucking jealous of him, alright?"

"oh you so are-"

"i'm not!" aiden shouts from under their duvet and louis rolls up the bottom of his trousers. "i just don't understand why anyone would want to go to _hull_ for."

"it wouldn't be bad if you're jealous," louis tells him, smiling a bit.

"i'm not jealous."

"okay, fine."

"i'm not," louis huffs a bit at that and his eyes narrow minutely before he's back to crafting his outfit.

"debbie downer is what you are," he swings aiden's navy blue cardigan over his ensemble and runs over to their little toilet to check it out. "i look lovely, don't i?"

aiden pops his head out of the cover to give louis a once over. "you look alright, i suppose."

"don't be a twat." louis frowns at him, then leans in to give him a kiss. "this cardigan smells like cigarettes."

aiden presses a bit closer to bite at louis' bottom lip before he flops back on the bed. "was out with matt the other night in it is all." 

louis nods and feels odd for a second before he pulls a smile out on his face. 

"best be off!" he cheers madly, tugging the white beanie on the floor onto his head and skipping out of the flat in a rush.

-

"we've been on this train for _ever_ ," louis groans into harry's shoulder, fifteen minutes into their ride. he's sick of the english countryside that's been flying by the window seat he snagged. he's sick of the crying boy at the front of the car. he's sick of the woman snoring in front of him. he wants out.

"you're really annoying, you know that?" harry asks very bluntly, looking up from his _rolling stone_ magazine. 

"of course," louis waves off the insult like he would a compliment and tries to rearrange himself on harry's shoulder so that he'll be more comfortable. he realizes a second in that he chose the boniest companion ever for the two and a half hour expedition from king's cross to hull. "none of the greats have ever been _not_ annoying: russell brand, simon amstell, aristotle…" 

"you're actually mental," harry laughs, folding up his magazine and slipping it into this giant brownish kind of leather bag he brought, all stuffed under his feet. 

"and your shoulder is bony as fuck, has anyone ever told you?" louis tries massaging it into softness but it doesn't do much except make harry squirm a bit.

"my last girlfriend, yeah," harry says with a sly grin. "why do i feel like you're a five year old and i'm your babysitter?"

"didn't anyone ring you up and tell you to pack my apple juice?" louis whines, but then smiles as harry rolls his eyes. "what _is_ in the dead baby bag then, if not my essentials?"

"dead baby-" harry cuts himself off and shakes his head, shooting louis a look before ducking arms to pull his bag up onto his (and also louis' a bit) lap. "right. i figured you'd need some entertainment."

"ooh!" louis grins big, turning in his seat to hike his legs up in a cross legged position and face harry head on. "bag of fun, bag of fun!"

"so today, mr. tomlinson," harry smiles, then falters a bit. "wait, when you and aiden get married who's taking whose name?"

"we're both changing our last name to smith, silly, we've figured it out already," louis jumps a bit as a particularly loud noise from the toddler at the front resonates through the car. "i want to play though, hurry up!"

"mental," harry sighs, obviously thinking it quiet enough for louis not to hear, but louis has sonic like hearing. "okay. so. first up we've got boggle." harry pulls out the little jangley box of a game and sets in on the small table that separates them from snoring lady. louis eyes it nicely and waves at it a bit, but it doesn't wave back.

"and then, because you're always so impressed by zayn in the shop-" harry pulls out two colouring books that sport unicorns on the cover and louis has to clap a hand over his mouth to hold in his squeal of delight.

he throws his arms around harry as best he can from their awkward angle and looks into the bag, smushing their cheek together a bit. "this is the best train ride i've ever been on."

"glad to see you're enjoying yourself," harry says in that deep voice of his, one hand curling around louis' waist. louis feels the fingers dig under his cardigan and into his shirt, crinkling up the fabric and almost _petting_ just under his ribs. he tries not to squirm at the feeling but it's so gentle it throws him off a bit.

"anything else then?" he asks, still all back arched from where he's leaning over to hug harry. he feels warm breath in his hair then, and takes his hand away from harry's neck and into the bag.

"just two copies of mad libs, a blanket, and a box of oreos." harry says. louis looks up at him from where he's sort of crowded around his shoulder and watches harry grin down at him, eyes all sparkling.

"this is going to be better than the aquarium," louis says, preparing to lean back into his seat, despite (or maybe due to) the warm circles harry's long fingers are drawing along the small of his back.

"my god your eyelashes are long," harry tells him and louis only blushes a tiny bit when he feels harry's thumb press into one of the dimples above his bum, shaking his head a bit and pulling back so he's no longer touching him.

"right," louis clears his throat and smiles brightly. "well pass over the blanket to start off with, i'm bloody freezing."

-

the aquarium's absolutely _huge_ , all dark lights and boxes of useless information and pretty fish. louis has a staring contest with a flat fish he affectionately calls stewart, while harry wiggles his fingers at all the jellyfish as they pass by, all soft angles and deadly electric energy.

"i love it here," louis sighs when they pass the big glass tank that holds the great white shark. a school of fish pass by to the right of him while a school of children run around him. "so peaceful."

"if by peaceful you mean loud and obnoxious, then yes," harry shifts closer to louis as a young child with goop on his fingers presses up against the shark's window. "it's quite peaceful."

"hush you," louis doesn't look, just lets his fingers sort of press over where harry's mouth should be to keep him quiet. the soft lips press back a bit. "i'm figuring out who i truly am."

"right, course," louis feels harry's arm come around his waist as he's tugged backwards a little. "want to get some lunch? i'm starved."

"i suppose," louis says, letting himself be pulled to the stairs exit just passed the sting rays. 

they find the little café just a hop skip and a jump away from the gift shop that louis eyes up as they pass it. harry snags them two seats away from school children, right next to the window that shows the lovely sites of hull in winter. there's a river right by them and it looks very grey and cold, so louis just amuses himself with the last pages of the mad libs while harry gets their sandwiches and tea.

"i have to say," harry startles him out of his story when he comes over to the little table, holding two trays in his hands. "this is, without question, the best friend date i've ever been on."

"aw, hazza," louis grins up at him, reaching for his plate and pulling it down. he shifts them around a bit so they can fit everything on the small surface, then smoothes a hand over the ham and swiss he requested, feeling the warmth of it warm his hands. "you love it, don't you?"

"it is quite fun," harry winks, biting into his egg salad contraption with a content look. "but-" he stops himself, bringing a hand up to his mouth while he chews, and not continuing until he swallows. "i have a feeling you're going to pass out on the train ride back. and we've run out of things to colour."

"you could play boggle with yourself," louis suggests, as he's entirely certain harry's guess is going to come true. "that sounds like a _whale_ of a good time."

"ha." harry deadpans, unimpressed at the joke. "i'll probably just sleep too. could use a nap, i spent all last night writing."

"anything good?" louis asks, sipping at the chocolate milk he requested. 

"i'm just stuck at this bit where meg enters the king's library. but i'm not sure where to get from there. i know she needs to get back to save her mother, but i don't know _how_ ," harry groans, wiping catsup off his lip. "any ideas?"

"i'd quite like to be a fairy," louis hums mystically, eyes catching at the quiet blankness of the river outside. "but i think it'd be really lonely."

"never really thought of that."

"if i were a fairy i'd never have met you," louis says smiling, looking over at where harry's giving him the absolute _oddest_ look he's ever seen. "and we'd never be here. because i'm too small. you'd probably step on me. maybe you should talk about that in your book."

harry looks down at his plate, and louis wonders for a second if he's overstepped or said something wrong, but then harry looks up and _beams_ at him.

"when the hell," he says, dimples blossoming and making louis' toes curl. "did you get so smart?"

-

they have to take two buses and walk twenty minutes to get back to their train station. but they both decide that the aquarium was worth all the hassle.

"we should pop into donny on our way back," louis says, trying for excitement but sounding quite tired from the day. "when you're in yorkshire, you know."

"well, we'll already be in the train station," huffs harry with a smile, as he reaches under himself to get all situated before the train takes off. "do you want to get a bite to eat or something before we take the train home?"

"hm," louis shuffles. there isn't anything left in doncaster, his family having moved up to glasglow with his mother's new husband, but he still misses the place. "if you don't mind. i'd quite like that."

"sounds good," harry says like the good sport he is, throwing the blanket over himself and louis with a flourish. "you're welcome to my shoulder. i'll probably just listen to music until we get there."

"you're a saint harry styles," louis sighs, immediately dropping his head on the, albeit, bony shoulder and snuggling close.

"yeah yeah," but he can feel harry press a small kiss into his hair before the train starts up and he's lulled into sleep.

-

the mcdonalds they end up going to is only about ten minutes from the train station. it also houses the very same bathroom that louis lost his virginity in, a story he tells harry quite proudly.

"adam brown," louis smiles, hopping up and down the familiar streets, tugging harry to slow down every once and while because he keeps forgetting they're not on london's fast paced streets. "had really pretty eyes and could down four beers in a minute. i fell hard."

harry nods, an almost bemused look on his face. "what stall?"

"wheelchair one."

"figures."

"what about you?"

"what, have i ever had ridiculous sex in the bathroom of a mcdonalds?" harry asks, a sly grin on his face. "nah, that'd be a burger king."

"there's one of those here too," louis says without thinking, still on tour guide mode. "but no, i mean what about your virginity?"

"i don't know, it's been gone for awhile, you'd have to ask it yourself," harry quips cheekily while opening the door to the fast food joint. louis rolls his eyes but ducks his head to get under harry's arm and into the restaurant.

"no you twat," louis says, pulling harry by the wrist into the queue. he sees the patch of floor in the corner by the fake plant where stan once chucked up an entire big mac. "when and where and how and who did you lose your virginity to?"

there's a little girl in front of them in line and louis considers putting his hands over her little ears so she doesn't have to hear their conversation, until he remembers that strangers don't do that to other strangers. 

"i was fifteen and with my sister's friend _rachelle_ ," harry bites his lip a bit, then swings his fringe out of his eyes. "it lasted about four minutes and i'm pretty sure she was drunk."

louis hums, with a sad kind of look on his face. "looks like neither of us have had very romantic first times." 

"well yeah," harry scoffs, squinting at the menu. "got to have a rubbish first time, so the rest seems brilliant in comparison."

"speak for yourself!" louis says, slipping his hand into the pocket of harry's jumper before he remembers that that it isn't the smartest thing to do with a boy he _knows_ has a huge major awful crush on him, and _he_ probably wouldn't like it if the boy he liked was all cuddly with him, but he can't help it. he likes cuddling with harry.

"i know the sex i've had since adam's been bloody amazing, and that's got nothing to do with him not knowing anything about anything," louis sniffs, rubbing his hand into the softness of harry's sweater. "the early days of uni, i tell you mate, that's when the magic happened."

"knew you were a slag," harry snorts, slipping his hands into the pocket alongside louis', flicking his cold fingers around. "aiden's got you right domesticated."

louis smiles but retracts his hand, doing a bit of a jig on his feet when he sees the grey skies outside. "i was insane before i met him, you wouldn't even recognize me, to be honest."

"'m sure that's not true," harry smiles down at him, and louis coughs a bit looking up at where the woman at the front is calling at him. "you want to go first?"

"thanks, yeah." 

he recognizes the woman at the front in that vague way. he's pretty sure she was the year behind him in school, but she doesn't seem to even acknowledge him, not looking up from her cash register until she's calling the next person.

he can't really blame her though. although he only works in a coffee shop, it's still much cooler than a mcdonalds.

louis picks up his sweet chilli crispy chicken sandwich thingy with a big grin to the estranged man behind the counter. harry got some big mac double thing with lots of fries just piled on and when louis gives him a slightly disgusted, slightly awed look, he just shrugs and goes to find them a spot by the window.

"you're lucky you're as thin as a rod," louis tells him, quite seriously, biting into his chicken sandwich and sipping his fruitopia. "if i ate that much it'd go straight to my hips."

harry lets out a bark and then chuckles his way through the next sentence, nibbling on greasy fries, "you sound like a woman."

"when it comes to weight, i _am_ a woman," louis sighs. he's been both blessed and cursed with hips and thighs and a large bum, which has gotten him both years of fantastic offers as well as a lovely boyfriend, but it's also made him more than a little self conscious. "i look more like frankie sandford than frankie sandford does some days, and she's never let herself go."

"used to have a poster of her in my bedroom," harry slurs over a chunk of burger in his mouth and louis wrinkles his nose a bit at the sight. "she's fit as hell."

"i take any compliment towards frankie personally, so thank you darling, i appreciate that." louis winks and harry sort of laughs back, around his food all clumsily like.

-

harry wakes him up when they finally get to king's cross. it's been raining for an hour and louis is so warm in harry's blanket, feet all tucked in under himself, head rested gently on harry's bony shoulder. outside it's dark and as the station creeps closer and closer to their train, louis finds himself dreading london.

"is it weird that i don't want to go back?" louis asks and harry, who's packing up his bag with a zip, gives him a really sweet smile.

"not at all," he says with a bit of a nod. "it's been a good day, yeah?"

"great one." 

louis and harry maintain their eye contact for a minute more, before the main lights come on and louis blinks away.

-

zayn lives in this old townhouse flat that's about a five minute walk from _cindy's_ , and sometimes when louis' shift is all done and it's still afternoon time and it isn't raining and zayn's actually in his home, louis like to visit it.

"salutations!" he calls through the heavy wooden door that holds in zayn's house with his seventeen thousand roommates. "zayn, baby, i'm here!"

it takes a minute but then some artsy looking, styled hair, all plaid shirted, hipster of a boy opens the door and it takes louis a minute to make sure that it isn't _actually_ zayn, because they all look the same to him.

"louis," the boy says unenthusiastically, and then louis recognizes him. he grins.

"davey!" louis claps him on the shoulder, pushing past him to get into the mess of a flat while simultaneously kicking off his worn toms. "how're things?"

"it's david," davey mutters under his breath with a sigh as he closes the door behind louis and takes off for the stairs without bothering to answer his question.

_bon iver_ is playing from somewhere in the house and louis can't help but shake his head at the place. it's so messy and awkward, but done so careful and artful that he doesn't believe for a second that any of it's by chance. hipsters, especially art school hipsters, were always so determined to look like they've done nothing to achieve ultimate coolness.

" _zayney bear!_ " he calls up into the wonky spiral staircase thing. he didn't bother to call before he came, but usually zayn is up in his room just painting and being intense and smoking cigarettes, so he figures it'll be alright. "i'm here. come get me. please."

zayn's weird roommate, and when louis calls him weird he means _weird_ not usual hipster weird but fucking crazy, comes out a second later and when he sees louis his eyes go wide and excited and louis is terrified.

"louis!" he calls and louis smiles awkwardly, shuffling closer to the door to the basement so that he won't come too close.

"jeff!" he crows back, twirling his fingers a bit in faux excitement. "you seen zayn?"

"he's upstairs i think, you know zayn," jeff tips him a wink, and louis feels really, really uncomfortable because some flirting is good. he loves flirting. flirting makes the world go round. flirting with harry is fun and exciting and nice and all that, but whenever jeff makes a pass at him it's just _awful_.

"right, well, i'm going to just go find him then," louis tries to grin but it probably just looks like he's baring his teeth. he's okay with that though. he's okay with jeff not thinking he likes him. "you have a good day."

"bye lou," jeff smiles but looks pretty upset too, and louis just nods.

he climbs up the stairs and can practically _feel_ the leers jeff is sending to his bum, and, you know, most of the time he's rather proud of people ogling him. this is not one of those times.

"i fucking hate your roommate," is the first thing he says when he pushes through zayn's door. zayn's sitting cross legged on his small bed, smoking cigarettes something awful and sketching on old notepads. he's got his big blocky glasses on and this little quirk of a smile.

"who, jeff?" asks zayn who hardly ever sees his roommates, but has heard louis complain enough. "yeah he's a bit of a creep. was asking for your number the other day actually."

"you need to get rid of him," louis says with wide eyes as he shoves zayn over on the bed so he can wiggle himself on. "he is frightening. and weird. and cannot take a hint."

"right, i'll get on that," zayn tips him a wink and then sighs, pushing his work over to the side table. he swings his legs up across the bed and louis reciprocates on the other side, so their legs tangle together with their back on the head boards.

"how the hell are you doing, zayn, darling?" louis asks with a smile and zayn rolls his eyes but opens his mouth with a grin.

louis chats with zayn for five hours before he finally asks zayn to walk him home. 

-

the next morning finds louis blurry eyed but blissful, humming softly to _funerals_ as he skips his feet underneath the counter. liam, who's cleaning mugs next to him, gives him a funny look.

"why're you so happy this morning?" he asks and louis wiggles his eyebrows a little.

"did i ever mention how fantastic fiancé sex is?" louis laughs as liam's face turns red and he puts his hands over his ears and shouts, "okay! okay!"

harry comes into the shop sometime after eight and him and louis chat for over an hour before niall wanders in, asking for a sandwich and some coffee and silence because he has a term paper due by tomorrow and he's not looking for distractions.

louis respects his wishes and waves him off, diving back into his conversation with harry, bringing his sleeve up over his hand to wipe some crumbs off harry's nose, because god knows only harry could get some crumbs on his _nose_.

"what about you lee?" harry leans back in his chair sometime later, looking over at liam who's busy with some dishes. "who do you think's more fit? frankie or caroline flack?"

liam gives them both disapproving looks, to which louis just grins brightly. "i've never gotten caroline flack. and if i say frankie i'll never hear the end of it from lou, as he seems to think they're long lost twins or something."

"we are," louis nods seriously to harry. "the world needs to know."

"you're insane is what you are-" liam cuts off as the bell over the door signals the arrival of their drummer friend josh. he's wearing a big grin and some of these weird bangle bracelets but louis just waves at him excitedly.

him and harry know each other from somewhere (of course they do) and josh orders a large tea and a cheese croissant before pulling out his laptop from his messenger bag.

"just going to go write my essay for music iv tomorrow," he says in a tired voice. louis' eye lights up.

"my friend's writing a paper right now!" he bubbles and ignores the odd looks from harry and liam on either side of him. "you should go chat!"

"that's alright lou, i think i'm just going to go write over by the window-" louis hops up over the counter and grips onto josh's arm tight, pulling him over to where niall's in an intense coma of studying.

"nialler!" he calls, pulling a headphone out of niall's left ear. "you should meet josh. you are both into music. also, he plays drums and you play guitar so you should make a band and be my favourite band ever."

he ignores harry's laughter that's coming from the counter and pushes josh into the little chair across from niall instead.

"i'm sorry about this-" josh starts saying to niall who turns red and starts protesting back, "no, no, it's just lou, i'm sorry about him."

twenty minutes later they're both chatting about school, heads all leaning in to each other, laptops completely forgotten. louis sidles away and they barely notice, laughing and talking and louis' just really happy.

"what was that about?" harry asks as soon as he gets back, with this big bemused look on his face and this bright smile and even brighter eyes, and louis just grins and shuffles back behind the counter with a sigh.

"it had to be done."

\- 

harry leaves around ten in the morning and comes back at ten at night. louis' back for the night shift, having spent the afternoon visiting aiden's nan and buying the groceries and people watching near euston street. 

"are you still here?" harry's eyes are wide as he approaches the counter. 

"yep. they're a bunch of communist slave labourers here," he says, just loud enough for rebecca at the back to hear.

"i told you you could go an hour ago louis!" rebecca calls back and then appears from the back room. she's wiping her hands with a flannel and is rubbing her eye a bit. "why haven't you left yet, incidentally?"

"aiden's not here to walk me back," louis frowns, eyes peering out the windows with a squint. his contacts are driving him mad and he can't find his glasses at all so everything's just _great_. "and i'm tired and a little hungry and i want to go home."

"so go home," harry says rather bluntly, snatching up the tea that louis' been pouring for him this whole time. he raises an eyebrow. "or are you two going out somewhere after or something?"

"no, no," louis sighs. "i just don't like walking by myself at night. spooky and all that."

"well i'm on my way home, i can walk back with you, if you want." harry takes a sip of his tea, green eyes burning slightly into louis' and louis knows he should say no. he should say no because he's with aiden and he loves aiden and harry, although respecting the fact that he has a boyfriend, hasn't toned down the flirting at all. if anything he seems to be more interested in louis than ever before.

not that louis' really _pushed him away_ per se. but still. 

"would you?" he asks instead and harry just nods a bit and grins with his damn dimples, and then louis' pulling on aiden's lumpy old jumper and pulling his beanie tight against his ears. 

they walk out of _cindy's_ and fall into step pretty easily, conversation flowing between them. louis hears about harry's psych class while louis talks about aiden's nan and how passionate she is about everything, despite just having her first round of chemotherapy. 

harry holds one of louis' hand with both of his as they walk, blowing on it because louis' has little to no circulation in his hands and harry is weirded out by that.

"you should really get that checked," he tells him and louis just shrugs, leaning in a bit closer to harry when they pass the next alley way. harry frowns a bit, "you alright?"

"fine, yeah," louis grins brightly but it doesn't defer harry. 

"why don't you like walking alone anyways?" louis feels the nip of the wind whip at his face and looks above at the stormy clouds, fearing a bit of rain.

"it's nothing."

"it's not nothing," harry sees right through him and louis positively _hates_ it. "you, who can't wait five minutes for the coffee to finish brewing, waits an hour for your boyfriend 'cause you can't walk back to your flat alone? i don't buy it."

louis sighs and tries to fix harry with a _look_ but his hand is too warm in harry's grip and harry looks so damn earnest then, trying for the truth. louis sighs again.

"okay, fine, jesus." harry smiles in victory but louis knows it won't be there for long. "okay, so my first week working at _cindy's_ i was walking home one night, by myself and these two guys came out of nowhere and shove me into this alley."

harry looks like he wants to say something but he doesn't, just puts out a hand to stop louis so they're standing, facing each other, on the footpath. 

"so yeah," louis clears his throat. he's okay though, really he is. he's had to relay this story a million and a half times, and the look harry's giving him is nothing new. "they took my wallet and the watch aiden had just gotten me for my birthday and all that. but then uh-" louis bites his lip and laughs a bit, just to clear the mood. "then the one guy started pushing at me, like, differently, you know? and then the other bloke kicked off somewhere and this guy is still pressing me to the wall.

"and he started saying these things and putting his hands on me and it just got really ugly really fast." louis looks down at his feet, coughs slightly and then smiles. "but then um, zayn, actually, walked by the alley and heard me like, shouting or whatever. and he scared the guy off. i didn't even know him and he just saved me from _that_ and. yeah."

harry's eyes have gone bigger than louis' ever seen them and he's genuinely scared for a second before harry's arms go around him and he's being pulled into a hug. harry's a very cuddly person and louis' glad to have met him, in that moment, throwing his arms around his neck and laughing into his shoulder.

"i'm fine now, you twat," he says in his ear and harry just grips him a bit tighter. "really, just freaked me out. so now i walk with other people."

"if you ever need me ever," harry tells him, large hands palming over louis' midsection. "you just fucking pick up the phone whenever, and i will be there, yeah?"

"okay."

"i promise, lou."

"i believe you," louis chuckles, squeezing harry tightly before letting go altogether, pulling on his arm to let them continue. "honest."

-

louis asks harry if he wants to come up for a cuppa and harry says sure, so they trek up the stairs to louis and aiden's flat, nestled on top of a weird clothing store on camden high street. harry's obsessed with the area and keeps asking louis how they found the spot, which louis just brushes off because the location only sometimes outweighs the _noise_ of living in camden market.

when louis' finally jiggled his key in and slammed hard on the door to get in he notices that there are a pair of runners by the door that looks quite a bit like matt's and a coat thrown over the umbrella rack thing in the corner that looks like matt's and a laugh coming from the living room that sounds like matt and oh. right.

"honey, i'm home," louis calls like usual, although his voice is more bitter than he's heard in awhile and his eyes narrow a bit when matt's laughter cuts off.

"is that matt with the nametag?" harry asks from behind him and when louis nods awkwardly he bites his lip. "do you want me to head out?"

"no, no, of course not, i'm the one who invited you-"

"hey lou," aiden greets, peering around the doorway to the living room. he's grinning big but the smile diminishes when he sees harry. "and hey, fit harry with the dimples. nice to see you again."

"yeah, you too," harry itches his nose a bit. "look, i just remembered, my friend needed help running lines tonight for an audition he has tomorrow. so, you know, i should go."

"and also mo," louis says, with a very fake smile, trying to add into the rhyme but he's too angry and confused and tired and _cold_ to do much more than that. harry half heartedly laughs, but then he's waving over his shoulder and taking the stairs down two at a time.

"what was he doing here?" aiden half whispers a little harshly as matt steps out of the living room, an awkward smile on his face.

"could say the same to you," louis hisses back, sending aiden a significant look before sending a smile to matt. "you alright matt?"

"yeah, great, lou," matt quirks an eyebrow before reaching down for his shoes. "i'll just leave you two."

"no, no-" louis' afraid that when matt leaves a blow out is going to happen and he hates fighting more than anything in the world.

"i've got to open the shop bright and early tomorrow morning, so i should be getting into to sleep." matt slings his coat on and louis waves his fingers at him. "night lou, aiden."

"night," aiden calls, dark eyes unreadable as matt turns out of the apartment and shuffles down the stairs.

there's a bit of silence when louis shuts the door closed and kicks off his toms, flicking them over to rest on top of aiden's grimy white converse, and heaves off the big ugly sweater he's got on, throwing it on the lone umbrella in the corner. aiden just runs his tongue along his top lip and stares at louis.

"so," he says and louis doesn't like the tone of his voice very much, so he walks to the kitchen in short bursts, sighing when he hears aiden behind him. "he's walking you home now?"

"he wouldn't have to if you had picked me up on time," louis turns around gripping the side of the counter a bit because he _hates_ fighting, despises it, grew up with it in his house until his father ran away. "or if you'd remembered me at all."

"just because i forget _one time_ doesn't mean you have to run off with the first pretty boy you fucking see," aiden snarls a bit, then bites his lip, because he hates fighting too, just not as much as louis. they're both pretty good at it though, which is awfully unfortunate. "you know he wants to fuck you and yet you still spend every day with him-"

"harry's my friend," louis heaves out, glaring daggers now. they never used to be this jealous. "and while we're on the topic, when did you and matt get so fucking close?"

"probably that day when you and fucking _harry_ ran off to hull together," aiden spits out, hands clenched around one of the shitty chairs they have circling the kitchen table. "you know, when you didn't get home till past ten-"

"there is _nothing_ going on there!" louis wants to cry with frustration but he also wants to throw things. "i can't believe you think i'd-"

"what – fuck around with some bloke you call 'fit harry'?"

"that's, that's a fucking _joke_ , you know it is-"

"-everything's a joke with you, isn't it louis?"

"i-" he's never had to explain himself with aiden before and no, this is wrong, _aiden_ should be the one apologizing, not louis. "we're _just_ friends, why are you-"

"oh come on, i knew you in uni," aiden says all harsh and dirty and angry and louis fears his next words. "a different boy every night, why should anything have changed?"

"that's – that's not fair," louis is coming dreadfully close to crying and his voice is cracking and he hates this. "you know that isn't fair-"

"once a whore, always a whore-"

aiden cuts himself off and then it's just quiet. 

louis looks down, breath hitching, and then feels a tear drop off his eyelashes. and then another one. all he can hear is white buzzing in his ears like a horror film and this swooping sensation in his gut and all of the sick, choking, deathly silence.

amongst the buzz is aiden saying, "fuck, shit lou – i didn't mean that. you know i didn't, i'm so sorry-"

but he just closes his eyes and walks out of the kitchen, side stepping aiden without question and slamming the door of their bedroom closed tight. he barely makes it to the ground, arms around his knees with his head against the door and his hands digging into his ribs, before he's breaking down into sobs.

-

an hour later, when the tears have finally dried and he's ready to forgive again, he opens the door to find aiden sitting at the kitchen table, staring across the room in thought.

"we just had our first fiancé fight." aiden says in a slow, rough way. louis bites his lip to hold in the urge to yell out _say that five times fast_ and nods instead.

"can we please not have a second?" he asks instead and when aiden laughs he knows things aren't perfect, but they aren't broken either. 

-

liam's playing _swiss army romance_ the next morning, which is both ridiculously ironic and a little annoying. louis is all for acoustic emo music with a lot of screaming and sadness, but it’s only half past ten in the morning and he didn't get very much sleep last night without aiden's body curled around his. 

"louis!" liam greets all excitedly which normally louis would want to smile at and possibly pinch liam's cheeks, but right now can only make a eyebrow go up a little in interest. "good morning!"

"hey lee," he says and perhaps his voice is still a little rough from the crying the night before because liam immediately narrows his eyes and shifts around for the kettle. "no, i don't want any tea, i feel fine-"

"you don't feel fine, i can tell," liam says all motherly, reaching a hand out to touch louis' forehead. louis stares cross-eyed at it until liam takes it away with a few _tsks_. he pushes himself onto the counter and slides past the register, eyeing up on of the carrot muffins. 

it had been too awkward in the flat so louis pretended he had to fill in for liam's early morning shift and spent four hours outside the kfc down the road, just watching people go about their lives. 

"do you still have a cold?" liam asks and louis' about to shake his head no when he realizes that one of his nostrils is completely clogged up. 

"yes, actually," he huffs a bit and then gives a quick eye around the shop. there's only two people there – henry the homeless man and a woman with dreads reaching down her back, on the phone to someone in french. "why am i still sick?"

"you might have pneumonia, i'm a bit worried," liam bites his lip and louis reaches out to poke at it until he stops. "have you been eating right?"

"i didn't have anything for dinner last night, so _no_ ," louis rolls his eyes and sighs, "my life sucks liam."

liam seems to contemplate that for a second before he shakes his head. "you'll be fine. you just need some rest and a bowl of aiden's nan's chicken noodle."

"i won't be getting that any time soon," louis says bitterly. "aiden and i had a fight last night."

"i'm sorry to hear that," liam says all sincerely. louis sometimes wishes that he had fallen in love with liam instead of aiden, but then remembers how odd the sex would be and brushes the idea off. "what was it about?"

"i was yelling about matt, he was yelling about harry," louis trails off, drumming his fingers on the marble countertops and looking down to miss what he's sure is a very knowing look from liam. "then he said some horrible things and i cried."

"oh, _louis_ ," liam lets out and louis feels himself being pulled into a hug. he digs his face into the warmth of liam's neck and smiles. "i'm so sorry that happened."

louis just nods and then liam nods and everything's okay for a little bit.

but then, an hour or so later when the big lunch rush of art students and struggling musicians and cigarette smelling actors comes in, he feels the eyes of some pretty boy in a purple coat on his bum and when he gives the boy his coffee he gets a wink in reply. and normally he'd just wink back or grin big or flirt or _something_ but today he just swallows a bit and goes to get the next order, because aiden's words are replaying in his head.

"hey liam," he says when it's calmed down a bit and they're both sipping tea out of their mugs. "do you think i'm a slag?"

liam almost chokes on his and louis waits patiently while he hacks into his elbow. "do i think you're a _what_?"

"a slag."

"louis has someone called you-"

"no, no," louis doesn't want liam to ever hate aiden so he's keeping that to himself, shaking his head wildly. "i was just wondering."

"no." liam reaches over to cup louis' jaw and louis can't help a small smile twisting up his lips. "i most definitely do not think you're a slag."

"i love you liam payne," louis says with a nod and a grin and when liam says it back to him in the same way, his heart pounds a bit louder, as if to say _yes, i'm still here_.

-

the next time nick grimshaw comes into the shop louis does not pass out, but he does come close. 

harry's sitting across the counter writing in little moleskin notebooks and sipping at his tea while louis' making a tower out of the little creams that they keep on the counter in a sweet antique bowl that liam and he found while being touristy in clovelly one day. _back to black_ is playing over the speakers and it's nearly eleven and louis' about to pass out when the door pushes open.

his quiff is all styled up and pushed to the side like zayn's never is. he's got this black knit jumper on and skinny jeans and this great big classic grin on his face and he's being followed in by _alexa chung_.

louis practically falls over on his way to hit harry, who starts quickly and gives him a wide-eyed look.

"what you on about?" he asks and louis just gives a very significant look to the door. 

"oh nothing, just my soul mate walking through the door," he hisses back and closes his eyes with a sigh when harry turns around just as nick fucking grimshaw and alexa goddamn chung are at the register.

he breathes in. he breathes out. then, he smiles brightly.

"hello," alexa chimes all happy and cheerful, looking up for the non-existent list of specialties. "right. you've not got a list."

"no, s'all up here," louis quips with a grin, tapping his temple; he tames his inner fangirl and _does not_ check out nick grimshaw, who is, incidentally, looking pretty fantastic. "some tea for you or something a bit stronger?"

"you know, i've been here before," nick says with a smile in his eyes and louis takes two deep breaths and tries not to flail. "and i had the best scone i've ever had."

"we'll take two of those then," alexa smiles. "and a large earl gray, please."

louis can't help the disgusted look that crosses over his face. "earl gray? are you sure you don't- no," he cuts himself off and shakes his head. "sorry. i have strong opinions."

nick laughs and nods to the speakers. "love the music in here. it's a nice atmosphere."

_and i love you_ , is what louis wants to say back but instead he just nods all cool and starts looking for the scones. 

by the time louis' locking up for the night his stomach's been twisted about seven times from the sheer power of nick grimshaw's smile and harry has, somehow, managed to get the man's number.

his _number_.

"seems like a cool guy," harry shrugs as they exit into the dark night. "i always listen to his program, we've got similar taste in music."

louis just shakes his head in disbelief and puts it down in the list of reasons in his head of why he's convinced that harry styles is not actually real.

-

niall's holding josh's hand when he walks in a couple mornings later, but drops it immediately when louis starts cheering excitedly.

"oh fuck off," he says all sternly but waves and blushes and so does josh and then they wander over to the counter, giving louis their best glares. he wants so badly to cuddle them.

"can i adopt you two?" louis asks with what is probably the world's schmoophiest smile on his face. "i want to take you home and kiss you on the nose and watch you hold hands in the morning."

"you're fucking mad," josh says, but he's smiling so louis just flicks him on the cheek with his pointer finger. "really though lou, you've invested too much time in this."

"you can't make me ashamed of myself," louis shakes his head with his big stupid grin, and then shuffles over to the big glass case that sits over the caramel chocolate cake that rebbecca had made earlier that morning. "i'm going to give you cake now. on the house."

"and this is why we're friends," niall sighs happily, sliding into the stool next to josh. they both suspiciously have one hand under the table and louis wishes they would just hold hands in front of him because this is the best thing he's seen _ever_ and it warms him to the core.

"here," he says, sliding on plate with one piece of cake and two forks over to them and josh grins all bright at him and niall smiles and gives him a thumbs up and then louis just stops caring and leans over with his arms all out, and pulls them both into a hug.

"oi!" niall shouts in his ear but louis ignores him and just clenches onto them tighter. because he loves them. and now they love each other. and everything is good.

-

zayn is weird and artsy but really smart and insightful and louis likes to chat with him when it's two o'clock in the afternoon and raining and there's not anything or anyone happening in the shop. 

"sometimes you just _know_ , you know," zayn mumbles into his coffee and louis nods from where he's leaning his forearms over onto the counter. he likes watching zayn's eyebrows quirking from under his big bulky glasses. it makes him feel comfortable – at home.

"yeah, i tots know," louis says and smiles when zayn laughs. the soft sounds of _all the stars and boulevards_ is playing behind them, the sound of rain just barely audible over it. "it's like nothing else."

"exactly," zayn sighs like the word takes a weight off his shoulders. "it's like – the world's still spinning but you're there, in that moment, and so is this other person, and you can just like, keep going with the earth, as long as they're there."

"dude," louis laughs loudly, picking apart the brownie he's eating. "what the fuck's in these?"

"i don't know man," giggles zayn, itching his nose as he reaches for another brownie. "i stole them off the counter. i think jeff made them."

"probably just date rape drug then," louis mumbles and then he claps a hand over his mouth. "oh god. was that a rape joke? did i just make a rape joke?"

"i'm not sure," zayn gives him a serious look. "but can we take in the fact that you're getting high _on the job_?"

louis laughs and then zayn joins in.

they stay like that for the rest of the afternoon, until the rain stops and the sun peaks out and liam's coming by to let louis get off the shift.

-

louis at the grocers looking for this weird type of cheese that liam likes, because liam's coming over for their monthly _one tree hill_ marathon night in three hours, when he sees the cutlery on sale.

and louis' tried all his life to not be one of those people that buys things just because they might be on sale. but he isn't that person. when something's cheaper than it was before, he wants it.

there's an entire drawer in his and aiden's flat dedicated to spatulas they've never used. louis is a strange shopper.

the cutlery is bright and sunny, obviously a summer time theme for picnics and beach parties in somewhere that isn't england, but louis likes the colours immediately and tosses a set into his basket, right on top of the half off popsicles and the hummus aiden likes. 

"right steal at this price, eh?" says the old woman next to him who's grabbing the sets by the dozen and stacking them in her cart. he gives her a friendly nod, grin, and a wave before he realizes that he's acting a bit like _matt smith_ and well, he really doesn't want that comparison to be made right now.

louis shuffles on over to the plates and picks up the disney princess set, trying to see if jasmine's in it, because aladdin is aiden's favourite and there's no point on paying extra for cartoon characters if they weren't even ones you liked.

he finds her right behind an alternative pack with what's-her-face from the frog princess and meg from hercules, and is about to put it in his bag when he notices –

it's a four pack.

and normally this would just excite him, that he and aiden could have two each and could maybe have two pieces of toast in the morning and spread them out if they wanted to, or even invite liam _and_ zayn/matt/niall/harry over for dinner instead of just one of the four, because they can only properly feed three people now.

but today it just makes him queasy because. well. 

_families_ bought four packs. families entered prizes for cruises to majorca and ended up winning a four pass to some theme park instead. families had to sit at booths when they go to fancy restaurants and had to get kids menus because-

families have _kids_. because married people have kids. married people love kids. 

and louis loves kids too, but louis' twenty three years old and works at a coffee shop and is supporting a woman at a nursing home as well as himself _and_ his fiancé's university degree and oh god, _fiancé_.

it's not even close to the wedding and he's already got feet that have run away to antarctica without him. and he doesn't like this. his whole life's flashing before him by the freezers at tesco and he really wishes that his pre-mid-life crisis would have happened somewhere a little more exciting.

he ends up purchasing the plate set, but has an awful feeling in his stomach the whole way home on the bus.

-

"i think i'm having second thought on our impending wedding." louis states the minute he walks in through the door.

aiden is sitting at the couch writing in his notebook, but he looks up with wide eyes when louis walks in. he coughs and then looks down. "i think i'm falling in love with matt."

it's silent for a second. then louis becomes aware of the weight pulling his arms down.

"right." he clears his throat. "i have to put these in the freezer."

"i'll help you," aiden offers, standing up quickly and grabbing a bag from louis. they walk into the kitchen silently and begin packing away the items.

"so." louis says after he's closed the freezer door and aiden's started the kettle for some much needed tea. "matt, eh?"

"yeah," aiden's voice is low and sad and louis can just tell that he's just _so_ ashamed of himself. "i tried not to, but he's just-"

"no, no, i get it," louis tries to smile. "matt's amazing."

they stare at each other from across their shitty kitchen table while the kettle bustles and bursts on the stove. 

"it's just-" aiden breathes heavily, raking a hand through his thick hair for a second. "we've been together for ever lou."

"four years," he echoes with a quiet smile. "four fucking years."

"and you're possibly my soul mate," aiden adds, that little half-grin on his face, but it looks wrong. "but it's just so. we're so comfortable. we're so _safe_."

"and you don't want safe anymore." louis has to look down at him hands then because if he looks up he might cry, and that's the last thing either of them needs.

"i don't know what i want," aiden says and louis knows then, knows that this is huge, this is big, this is going to split them down the middle. "we were eighteen when we met. neither of us expected this to go on so long."

"but then it did," louis wets his lip a bit. "i don't know what to say."

"i love you more than anything in the world, louis," aiden says and then louis knows he's crying because that sounds more like a goodbye than anything. "but we just. we've stopped being louis and aiden. now we're _louisandaiden_. and it's like we're supposed to get married, because that's what you do when you've been together for four years and you love each other-"

"we don't have to get married," because louis doesn't really want to see this end, no matter how much he can feel it coming. "we can just stay like this forever, i don't care."

"louis," aiden looks at him and they're both crying, and god this is embarrassing. "we're twenty three years old. we should be able to go out and kiss the first boy we see. we should be partying with our friends. when's the last time you actually _went out_?"

louis' still louis, even when there are tear tracks down his face. "is that a rhetorical question or…?"

"louis, you should be allowed to look at harry whatever way you want."

"i don't-"

"you _do_ but it's okay." aiden shrugs a bit. "i look at matt the same way."

louis nods and bites his lip and then wipes at his face a bit with his fingers. he wants to hold aiden's hand but he can't anymore because that's not a thing you do with you ex. "right. okay. right. we're breaking up."

aiden laughs a broken laugh and slides a hand across to rest over louis'. "i still love you louis. so much. and i always will."

and then they talk about grown up things, like letting aiden's nan know and who gets the flat and if they're splitting up their friends. louis promises, with tears still spewing down his face, not to treat matt any differently and aiden just sighs, pulling louis into one final hug.

when he slides his ring off his finger he almost loses it.

-

liam takes one look at louis on his doorstep and steps aside, not questioning his red face or his shoeless feet or the pillow under his arm. for this, and everything else, louis is ridiculously grateful.

and when he does tell him, all curled up on the couch with liam's big strong arms around him, when he finally sobs out _aiden and i are over_ , liam just kisses his head and holds him closer and sleeps by his side until the morning.

-

louis' always been a pretty good actor, but it takes a week of sitting in liam's flat with the entire box set of _sex in the city_ and pots of ice cream for him to even be able to pretend that he's okay.

"i'm sorry that you're not going to be a best man anytime soon now," louis says regretfully one night, when they're all curled up with each other on the couch watching some hbo series. "you were so excited."

"it doesn't matter," liam pats louis' head and it actually makes him feel a little better. "i'd rather you and aiden were back to being happy than standing next to you at an altar."

"aiden will be happy in a month or two," louis tells him, swearing internally over his voice crack when he said _aiden_. at liam's inquisitive look he sighs and snuggles deeper into his chest. "that's when we agreed he could start dating again."

"matt?" liam asks all pleasantly, just like he had when louis first came through the door all sobbing. he'd held him in his arms and guessed the reason behind the whole mess and louis had just cried _even more_ because how was it so obviously to everyone. 

"yep," louis takes a deepish breath and feels a tear roll down his cheek and then steals the remote from liam's lap. "can we watch something else, please?"

"go for it," liam tells him and then they're watching some rerun of _mash_ , sipping at their hot chocolates.

-

life goes on pretty normal after that.

matt gives him the biggest sympathetic look louis' ever seen when he gets into the shop for the first time in a week. 

"i'm so sorry lou," he tells him and louis can tell in the way that he says it that matt knows nothing about aiden's love for him. he doesn't know whether to be happy or even more sad about it. "aid- uh, _he_ told me you broke things off a couple days ago."

"yes well," louis tries to smile bright, but it takes too much effort so he just claps matt on the shoulder. "it's all fine. i'm coping. who knows, maybe this is the time to try my hand at elton john? i'm sure he'd love a new partner, someone a bit younger, more fun."

matt laughs, but still pets the top of his beanie covered hair for a minute. "if you need anything, i'm here."

"no, no," louis tries to take the bitterness out of his statement, but it's _hard_. "you go be aiden's friend, yeah? he needs someone too."

he misses matt's nod when he turns to the cash register to punch in the date and time. he loves matt till the end of the earth, but there's this pit in his stomach, this square in his mind, this bitter part of his soul that just _hates_ him. because matt will always be the personification of everything that louis isn't. of everything that aiden wanted _more_.

-

the bell rings over the door sometime after noon and louis smiles at harry, who's navigating his way through the mishmash of chairs that block him from the cash register. louis' about to call out to harry about the manchester united game that he knows he would have watched too, the night before, but harry cuts him off when he comes straight up to the counter and throws his arms around louis waist.

louis' pulled into harry's body awkwardly, with the hard marble top in between them, and feels large hands smooth down his back and hair like a mantra. he engulfs the sweet smell of cinnamon and _boy_ that harry seems to bathe himself in and tries to stop the little pinpricks of tears that threaten at the corner of his eye.

"hey," louis says into harry's throat. "i'm okay, really. i swear."

"you're lying."

"okay, so i've had better days but i'm coping."

"you're full of shit louis tomlinson," the blow is softened by the nice way harry's fingers are cupping the back of his neck, drawing circles in his skin.

"who told you?"

"zayn. or maybe liam, i don't remember." harry shakes his head a bit and some of his hair gets in louis' mouth. louis shifts a little so his hands can come around harry too, snatching at his thin waist, and he feels arms tighten around him in response. "all i know is that you must feel awful right now and i am so sorry."

"'s not your fault," louis sighs, closing his eyes a bit, but snuggling a bit deeper into harry's pale neck because it's only been a week or so but he already misses holding onto a boy that isn't liam.

"i just want you to be okay," harry tells him and louis' heart warms a little bit. just a little.

"i will be," louis says small, but confidently, as he grips his hands a little tighter around harry and sighs into his neck once more.

he feels the slightest pressure of lips against his temple before harry's back to rubbing at his neck.

-

he's past the point of living every hour at a time, and has moved onto every day. he almost considers going out with the boys for a round of drinks and celebrations until he remembers how stupid that is. no one would want to go out with a guy who's just going to cry into his beer moping about and saying _shut up it's been twenty four hours i'm allowed to cry about him now_.

louis mostly just sits around liam's apartment and eats cheerios and chats with danielle when he's not working at the shop, avoiding matt and harry's concerned glances like the plague.

"you know dani," louis says one night while lying strewn across their couch so he's on his stomach and his bum is kind of in the air and he's had sex like this before, he knows it. "you and i could have been amazing if it weren't for me being gay and you being with liam. we could have fucking _soared_."

"i'm sure darling," danielle calls from the kitchen where she's probably making him something for dinner. "sounds lovely."

"no but really," louis wishes he was drunk. he feels drunk. but only without the whole good part of being drunk bits. just that he doesn't want to move. and random shit is coming out of his mouth. "i'm pretty sure you and i are soul mates."

"of course," danielle walks into the living room with some kind of sandwich on the pretty, ceramic plate that liam buys in abundance because that's who he is. "now sit up, you have to eat something."

"i miss sex," louis tells her because he does. he really really does. "do you think i could borrow liam for the night? he'd probably do that for me."

"no he really wouldn't," danielle snorts under her breath and louis sighs, then clambers into a sitting position, his back cracking in several places.

"no he wouldn't," louis agrees. "but i don't think i would be able to see liam like that anyways. it would probably end in a lot of giggles. and awkward silences."

danielle smiles at him and then bites into her own sandwich. they sit quietly for a minute, all comfortable on liam's pretty leather couch that he's spent so much time keeping clean and unsmudged and free of crumbs. 

"hey lou?" danielle begins tentatively when louis' finished his sandwich and is just dabbing at his mouth with the napkin she gave him before the meal started.

"yeah love?"

"are you – you're not okay, are you?"

louis opens his mouth to deny it, because of course he's okay, he's the king of okay. but then he feels a tickle behind his eyelids and he has to bite his lip because oh. right. he really isn't okay.

"no," louis says, trying so hard to smile even though he's pretty sure there are tears leaking out from god knows where. he thought he had cried them all out a week ago. "i'm really, really not."

-

it gets better.

zayn's always popping in and out of the shop to give hugs and talk intensely about things. niall's around whenever louis' needs a night out and he brings josh with him whenever louis needs to smile and act cuddly. liam's his rock like always, making him tea and waking him up most mornings with the brightest smile and just being the best mate a person could ask for.

and harry – well, louis never knew harry could be this subdued before. because although harry's jumping around desperately trying to make sure louis' happy all the time (taking him out to get ice cream on his break and promising him a zoo trip once april hits) he's also not like, flirting with louis _at all_ and it's kind of weird.

"i'm not porcelain you know," louis says to him one sunday afternoon, roughly three weeks since the big break up. "you can be cheeky again. stare at my arse if you want to. i don't mind."

harry just smiles at him, but his dimples aren't out so louis tries harder.

"really, honest. you can talk about how _long_ my eyelashes are and how beautiful my voice is-"

"-that was one time," harry protests, but his smile is widening along with his blushing cheeks.

"-and like, honestly, i'm not that breakable. i'm dealing."

harry shrugs and looks down into his hot chocolate. "you're allowed to not be okay lou. like really, it's not even been a month yet."

"certainly feels longer," louis sighs and when harry quirks an eyebrow at him he hurries to explain. "i was used to an orgasm a day before all this. and now i'm cut off, cold turkey."

he expects harry to laugh, because harry usually laughs at things that louis says, but instead he just sort of furrows his brow and stares at louis for a good long minute.

"haz?' he tries out and the word seems to break harry out of his daze. expecting a reply louis shifts back a bit and reaches for his muffin, but almost drops it when harry swings his messenger bag onto one shoulder and turns to leave.

"harry?" he asks bewildered, leaning forward over the counter to pull him back if he has to.

and then louis is met with bright green eyes that are an inch from his and a low voice that louis has never heard come out of harry's mouth,

"i'm not going to be your fucking rebound louis tomlinson."

too startled to move, louis watches as harry pulls away and exits the shop.

-

niall takes him out that night to a club. louis hasn't been in a club since, well, a very long time and he spends half an hour in the shower crying before he leaves. 

he's wearing his dark tight party jeans and this dark tight shirt that aiden bought him for christmas two years before and his toms and his hair is all swooping and he timed it perfectly for his stubble to look at its best and he's just really excited.

"so can you not be super gay tonight?" niall asks as they walk into the club. some kind of pounding bass line is pulsing through the atmosphere of it and it's all so familiar to louis. 

"kind of being a hypocrite there, love," louis laughs, sidling up to the bar, niall in tow. the club they're at is open to everyone and he really wants to grind up against some hot guy tonight because he _can_. 

"text me if you're going home with someone, yeah?"

"ni," louis sighs, waving down the bar at the bartender who raises his eyebrow. "the night's not going to turn out like that i swear."

-

an hour later louis is drunker than he's been in a good long while, and is dancing in between two guys, their hands skirting up and down his back, their mouths on his neck. 

he forgets their names completely, he thinks one of them might be a _michael_ but he's not sure. the music's loud and awful but their hands are making him feel precious and the boy that's claiming his front has these pretty brown eyes and dimples and the one on his back has massive hands and blue hair.

"take this somewhere a bit more private?" louis dimly hears in his ear and he's agreeing before he can even let the words sink in. massive hands cups his arse while pretty eyes throws an arm around his shoulders and then they're both leading him out of the club and into the rain, drizzling slightly as they stand to wait for a taxi.

"haven't done this," louis says, laughing and hiccupping slightly through the sentence. "in a very long time."

"i'll make it good for you," pretty eyes whispers in his ear and the hot breath makes louis' skin squirm a bit. "i promise."

the taxi driver gives them an odd look when they pile in, but just rolls his eyes and drives to massive hands' house. louis is in the middle seat between them, looking through the window as the night breezes by, tilting his neck accommodatingly when pretty eyes starts biting down it.

the flat is small but massive hands doesn't have any roommates, which is something louis' grateful for, as he doesn't want anyone to have to overhear his very first threesome. also because he is drunk. and horny. and has two boys that keep touching him like he's a god or something.

"hey massive hands," louis drawls slowly, kicking his shoes off at the door and following blindly when he gets led through the place. "what's you name?"

massive hands laughs, "i'm will. and the bloke behind you is mick."

louis nods seriously because he almost was close there with michael. "i'm louis."

"well louis," mick says into his ear, his fingers rubbing along the zip of louis' party jeans, one hand under louis' shirt. "you've probably got the best arse i've ever seen."

"i do have a nice bum," louis agrees, and then laughs when he's pushed through a doorway. he nearly trips until will's leading him to the bed and sprawling him out on it. 

he watches as mick and will kiss for a second, stripping each others' t-shirts off while they stand near the foot of the bed. louis lets his head lull a bit, because he's starting to feel the alcohol a bit more now and he hopes they start the fucking soon, because he might pass out at any time. 

a buzz in his left pocket startles him, and when he pulls out liam's phone (because liam would not let him leave until he had some way to contact him) he sees a text from niall:

_were r u?_

louis sighs and is about to text back when he feels a heavy body fall on top of his, grabbing at his hips and his waist and his jaw. 

louis squeals a bit and squirms as a second body sidles up to his side, more hands smoothing down his, still clothed, body. he tries to speak but then there's a mouth on his, a tongue pushing in, and he has to pull away.

"i need to text back niall," he says, in his best stern voice, and mick sighs into his mouth, letting his lips trail down to his collarbone.

"make it quick," will whispers hotly in his ear and louis barely has time to type out a _wit some1 dont wait up_ before the zipper of his jeans is pulled down and there's a hand on his cock and one kneading into his bum, and he's missed this. really.

"we were trying to decide who got to fuck you," will says while he paws louis' shirt of his body, tossing it somewhere across the room. he starts in on louis' jeans, dragging them slowly down while louis squirms under mick's kisses. "but then we just figured that we'll just take turns."

"sounds fun," louis pants out as will sits back to pull his own trousers down, getting his cock out. it's hard and long and louis almost takes a double take at it, because he's not used to seeing dicks that aren't aiden's, but then mick's forcing his jaw open and two fingers are being pushed into his mouth and okay, right.

-

louis isn't sure he likes threesomes, but he's too drunk to care. he lets mick pound into him while sucking will down into his throat and just tries to forget every single moment of sex from the past four years.

-

when louis gets to the shop the next morning he's thirty minutes late and has more lovebites on his body than he ever thought possible. his stomach is full with the pancakes will made them in the morning, and liam's phone has two new contacts in it.

liam himself is standing behind the counter while rifling through customers. he gives louis a confused and worried and also a little bit mean look while louis shifts back, using the actual partition this time, to give him a hand.

it's awhile before things are calm enough to take a break, and when that moment happens louis immediately pushes himself up to sit on the counter, wincing slightly as he adjusts himself to sitting down.

"you alright?" liam asks from behind his cup of v8, because he's starting to complain about tea stains on his teeth.

"just, you know, sore," louis says and then liam's eyes widen and louis blushes.

"oh. _oh_. so it's like that then?"

"maybe."

"jesus lou."

"blame niall, he's the one that insisted on taking me out!" protests louis, thumbing absentmindedly at the bite that will had bitten on his hip, right after he had fucked him for the second time. louis is very tired. "and then there were these two guys-"

" _two_ guys?" louis is worried that liam's eyes are going to pop out of his head.

"lee, i had my first threesome ever last night," louis cries and then clears his throat a bit. "well, and this morning too. there was a lot of sex this morning."

"louis tomlinson!" liam sounds scandalized and kind of amazed and grossed out all at the same time. louis thinks briefly about getting him some kind of award for acting, but then dismisses the idea. 

"they were really really fit, okay?" louis says, sighing, and closes his eyes. 

liam's quiet for a bit, just fiddling with the coffee machine and turning down the music, _ceremonials_ filling the air with eerie shrieks, and cleaning dishes, until he finally speaks up, "so did it make you feel, you know, better?"

louis bites his lip and thinks hard. he remembers the slip and slide of hands all over his body, of mouths whispering praises into his skin, of the fullness that only comes when someone is grabbing you by the hair and fucking you so hard you can't breathe.

he sighs, "i think it just made me feel worse, to be perfectly honest."

he looks up to liam's sad eyes and gives a bit of a watery smile in return. 

"you'll get there," liam promises, kissing louis on the temple.

\- 

harry comes in the next day, all curly hair swept to one side. half his pale face is red, as if he slept on it the wrong way and his eyes look tired. louis never seen him more beautiful before.

"hey haz," he says with a little smile, taking all his cues from harry. he doesn't want to overstep anything but he also doesn't want harry to think he hates him. he just wants things to go back to the way they were. 

"lou," harry greets with a smile that makes louis grin all bright, and he chuckles, looking down at his feet for a second before fixing louis with his green stare. "i'm sorry about what i said the other day."

"no, no," louis shakes his head. "i was fishing for compliments and you didn't deserve that, i'm sorry. i was still in mourning."

"i was being a dick, i knew you wouldn't-" harry cuts himself off and gives louis a funny look. "wait, what do you mean you _were_ in mourning?"

"i think i'm moving on a little bit?" louis tries to find something else to stare at but all he can see is harryharryharry. he rubs some sleep out of his eye and then wrinkles his nose. "like, i can say his name now. and i can look at you and think you're attractive and it doesn't make me feel guilty."

he _knows_ harry's face blushes then, but he keeps staring. "right," harry says and then laughs a bit, looking over his shoulder and then back. he looks regretful. louis can't understand it. 

"i have to go to class in like, five minutes," harry says and it's all a bit rushed and louis' trying to figure out if he's being dumped or not. "but i'll stop by tonight and maybe we can talk then?"

"i'm watching the new pixar movie with liam tonight," louis says with a squinty grin. "sorry."

"okay, tomorrow," louis' never seen harry this determined. "are you going to be here tomorrow?"

"at noon, yeah." louis nods and then harry nods. 

"okay," he says with a smile that he tries to contain. "okay i'll see you then. and then we can talk."

"okay."

"okay."

he turns to push the door open and almost bumps into someone out the door. louis' watches harry blush and then take off, turning right and walking at a brisk pace away from the shop. louis gets to take in his long legs all covered in dark skinny jean and his big beanie and his tight pea coat and then he's gone.

louis smiles, really smiles, all private and quiet and small for a second because this all feels _new_ again. he's not used to getting boys flustered and flirting with a purpose and making plans to talk. but he likes it. he didn't realize how much he missed it until this moment.

"look at you," and louis turns at the sound. zayn's leaning against the other counter, smiling at him widely, all sharp angles and knowing looks. "you've got a proper crush on that boy."

louis bites his lip and shrugs a bit, "maybe i do, maybe i don't."

"you look good together," zayn says and then louis walking over so he can hold zayn in his arms because if there is one moment where he needs guidance, it would be now. "aw, lou."

"is it too soon?" louis asks into zayn's neck. "should i wait longer?"

"do you think it's too soon?" zayn inquires right back with all that old wisdom that he possesses in boatloads. "do you think you're ready for a new relationship?"

"i don't know." louis takes a couple deep breaths and clenches zayn's weirdly artistic owl shirt in his fingers. "kind of? like i know that i like harry, and i've liked him for awhile, but i also know i don't want to fuck it up. which i might do if i jump into this all too soon."

"you're never going to ready to move on if you keep that attitude," zayn says and louis almost laughs at him, because it sound like something you'd find in a therapy room, but then louis realizes that it's pretty true. and he wants to be the person who's strong enough to move on.

"okay." louis nods and takes two deep breaths, wiping at the non existent tears in his eyes. "right. i'm going to ask him out tomorrow."

"that's the spirit."

"and it's going to go well. and he's going to like me."

"he already likes you louis," zayn says and louis pats his face twice, just to be quirky, and is rewarded when zayn laughs at him.

-

the next day when louis comes in matt can't look him in the eye and there's a spot on his neck that looks suspiciously like a love bite and louis cries for half an hour on the couch in the back before he vows, shaking like a leaf but sucking in deep breaths to steady himself, that he's okay.

he brings forward the mental image of harry, with his bright cheeks and hopeful eyes, and it makes him wipe the tears off his face and square his shoulders.

-

he's puts _inside in/inside out_ on just before noon hits and wipes down all the counters and makes sure the lid's on harry's tea a million times. 

louis can't stop staring at the clock on one of the walls, surrounded by a wall of struggling artist's paintings and sketches and portraits. zayn's stuff is up there even, but louis' not looking at it because all he can see is the clock and how slow it's moving.

"he'll be here super soon," liam says from behind him with a smile and louis can't help but reach out to tweak one of his nipples. liam shrieks, "what was that for?"

"you're so lovely liam payne," louis sighs, jiggling his feet at an offbeat and twitching his head around a bit. "really, if things don't work out with harry, you and i are moving to vegas to get hitched."

"i don't think same-sex marriage is legal there," liam says reaching out to stop louis from biting his nails. 

"okay, fine, i can do niagara falls," louis selflessly changes the plans and liam laughs at him. "i don't think we'd have very kinky sex, do you?"

he catches liam at the right moment where he's sipping some of his juice, so it comes back up his nose and he blushes and hacks and coughs. 

louis' laughing his head off, holding on to the counter for support, when harry walks into the shop. louis has to wipe tears from his eyes and liam is just moping up his face and harry raises an eyebrow and smiles.

"you alright?" he asks and louis nods a couple times and then stops because he probably looks like a bobble head or something. he hops onto the counter and slides over, coming to stand next to harry on the same side of the counter.

"wow, you have legs!" harry cries and the cackles at his own joke while louis rolls his eyes. he would have laughed if harry hadn't already seen him outside of work many a time already. 

"you're hilarious haz, sometimes i cannot stand near you for too long without dying of laughter," louis deadpans, and then maybe his lips twitch when harry winks at him. "you ready to go?"

"i just got here," harry says in his slow drawl and louis just tugs on his arm.

"we're going for a walk, i've already decided!" louis holds harry's wrist in his hand because he doesn't know if he can do anything more than that yet. "give the man his drink lee."

liam hands it over and then louis' pulling harry out of the shop.

-

they end up in a park, sitting on a low wall next to a statue of someone that looks like churchill, if churchill weighed a hundred pounds less that is.

harry's wearing his wrap around scarf thing and a comfy looking green coat thing and his regular skinnies and louis wants to reach out and pet his face.

"you look weird," harry tells him and louis is really offended for a second before harry rushes to cover it up. "no no, i mean like – i'm so used to you in big ugly cardigans and weird t-shirts."

louis laughs and it only stings a little bit, bringing up aiden in such a casual way. he picks at the fraying hole in his maroon corduroys and straightens the collar of his _never mind the bullocks…_ shirt. it's the second best outfit he has accessibility to at the moment, and his number one choice is still back at liam's flat, hoping that this conversation is going to go well.

"you wanted to talk?" louis asks after a few minutes of quietness, masked only by the sound of a couple kids at the playground. he's staring pretty intently at harry, because harry looks so nice in natural lighting and he hasn't felt _butterflies_ just by being around someone in a long time.

"yeah, i was, um" harry coughs twice and then quirks a grin at louis. "i wanted to talk about us. and if there's an us. or if there could be an us. if that could be a thing."

"i think it's already a thing," louis smiles and then harry smiles back.

louis considers it for a second before carefully sliding his hand across the brick wall to where harry's is lying in his lap. he picks it up very carefully and feels the warmth of harry's skin course through him before he slots their fingers together. 

he looks up at harry who's looking down at their hands too. when their eyes meet harry breaks into the biggest smile louis' ever seen. it looks like it's going to break his face in half.

"i can't promise anything," louis says, shifting forward on his bum a little so their crossed legs almost touch. "but i really like you harry. a lot."

"and you think you're, like," harry's fingers fidget in louis' hand for a minute before he just clears his throat. "you think you're ready? ready for this? because i like you in the long term kind of way louis."

"i- i know you do."

"and you like me like that too?" harry looks so earnest and louis just wants to smooth his hands down over the little wrinkle in between his eyebrows. 

"i really really do."

"okay," louis' beginning to think that _okay_ is starting to turn into their catch phrase. "right."

"look," louis begins and he takes a bit of a shuddery breath because no one told him this would be so hard, but he's _trying_. "i don't think i'm ever going to hit a stage where i think i'm ready. but that doesn't i'm not. because, well, i really like you harry. i always have liked you. a lot. and, well," louis fiddles with his fingers and doesn’t look up because the sight might kill him. "well, i was wondering if you wanted to get some food sometime. food with me. like, like a date. a proper one."

he waits for six second in the silence before looking up.

harry, precious sweet harry with his too big eyes and lanky body and full lips and pale skin and pretty eyelashes, is just smiling at him. and he looks so lovely that louis almost loses it.

"i would love to get some food with you," harry says and then louis' grinning too.

he tightens his hand around harry's and lets the moment breathe.

-

it's too early for even an early dinner, and they've both eaten lunch, so harry and louis wander around camden for a few hours, browsing the market and popping into little shops and the like. harry's looking for a new pair of shoes and although louis spends the better part of an hour discussing the merits of toms, harry ends up purchasing a raggedy, but sturdy, pair of white chucks from a vintage clothing store.

"look, you wear your shoes and i'll wear mine, okay?" harry sighs exasperated when louis keeps glaring at his shoes. but then his fingers tighten around louis' so he knows that he secretly likes it when he acts like a petulant child.

it isn't much of a fancy date – mostly just walking about and talking and holding hands. but it's really nice and harry's so sweet and louis is just having a great time. 

and he hasn't thought about aiden in an hour, so that's a bonus.

they end up getting indian food at _bengal lancer_ , but order the takeaway because harry claims that his nose is really sensitive and curry makes him sneeze.

louis just sort of fixes him with one of his many _looks_ but lets him pull the two of them out of the store, hands intertwined while clutching onto samosas and tandoori chicken and far too much naan for two people.

harry wants to go back to the park they sat in before and louis obliges with a grin.

"you're such a sentimental bloke, harry styles," he says and harry just glares at him a bit, clenching onto his fingers so it almost hurts.

"shut up."

they get to the park and it's still pretty light out, but there are the signs of storm clouds up ahead, so they eat quickly, legs swinging over the brick wall.

"gemma is such a nice name," louis mutters while harry explains his family and the many intricacies in it. "and you got _harry_?"

"nothing wrong with harry."

"no, i suppose, but gemma's nearly exotic."

harry pokes louis in the nose with his fork. "says the person with the sister named _fizz_."

louis huffs, then reaches out to tickle under harry's ribs and their structured conversation on family life and hometowns and all things like that soon turns into a bit of a food fight and then something else entirely.

"the kinkiest sex i ever had was with this guy at uni," louis says, turning his body so harry and he are face to face, their food long since discarded in the bin nearest them. "he tied me to his bed, blindfolded me, and then got his whip out."

harry's eyes are pretty wide at that, "holy shit. why did you allow him to get this far?"

"i was pretty drunk," louis admits, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand, while his other is held between both of harry's, long fingers drawing patterns on the back of it. "and he was actually pretty nice, just a bit of a strange one in bed is all."

"hm," harry shoots him a look from under his eyelashes and coughs. "i once was with this girl who would only have sex in the shower. i don't think that's kinky, just odd."

louis cocks his head. "that is odd."

"right?"

"i have a question though," louis chuckles a bit and continues. "do other people talk about kinky sex on first dates? or is that just us?"

harry lets out his big inhuman laugh at that and something swells inside louis, something like pride. he's so happy in this moment, so glad to be here with this stupidly pretty boy.

"am i the first boy you've ever been with?" louis asks after harry's finished laughing because louis is curious.

"no," harry says with his secret, sweet smile. "you're not the first, but you're certainly the best."

"oh," louis taps his nose with his free hand and then leans forward to do the same to harry. "you're too smooth."

"i try." harry says and then he nips forward to bite louis' finger.

the action brings louis' attention back to harry's lips, which are red and a little chapped and shaped like a story, like a tale of knights and the beautiful princess in the tower. louis wants to trace them with his tongue.

so he leans forward in the next second and presses his lips to harry's so carefully it hurts.

they're warm. and harry smells really good. and when harry lets out a little noise but then starts pressing back against louis, he feels the butterflies flit around his stomach again.

he reaches up to put one hand into harry's soft curls and starts scratching slightly, spurred on by the sweet noises harry makes. harry puts a hand on his waist, long fingers splayed out over his ribs, teasing and pulling him closer to harry's warmth.

their other hands stay intertwined between as they kiss gently, carefully, peacefully.

-

it starts spitting just after seven, so louis and harry pack themselves up and start walking back to _cindy's_. louis' hand, which has been holding harry's nearly all day, feels more clammy than it's ever felt so they switch as they walk across a cross walk, spinning around each other to link their opposite hands together.

harry just laughs and smiles and louis knows he's not in love yet but with harry he thinks it won't take very long.

they get in and there's only a couple stragglers about; _oh, inverted world_ is filling the room with an interesting mellow and louis bops and skips his way to the front counter, harry laughing quietly behind him.

"hello?" he calls, peering around as he gets to the register, because no one is there, but then he sees matt exit from the back room with a smile that quickly slips off his face.

"louis," he says awkwardly, one hand automatically moving up to shift his hat back and forth on his head. "how are things?"

louis has to swallow and force a smile on his face, but then he feels harry's hand slip into his and all of a sudden it's a bit easier. he smiles more real. "good. good. you?"

matt blushes something terrible and shrugs, then looks up to harry with a confused smile. "hey. you went to my show, yeah?"

"harry," he introduces himself as, sticking the hand that's not currently attached to louis' out for him to shake. they do and then louis is bouncing because he needs his tea and he doesn't really want this conversation to go on longer than it has to.

"two yorkshires please!" he calls and harry pulls him back a bit, so his front is touching louis' back and louis quite likes it. he likes that harry's taller than him. he likes a lot of things about harry. "and maybe a croissant to share?"

"or for you to demolish while i watch on," harry says and louis frowns up at him. "oh don't give me that, do you remember last time?"

"well yes, but i was in a bad place that day," louis sniffs, turning back around to see matt with their drinks and the pastry, a smile on his face.

"on the house," he says and louis smiles big at him while harry reaches for the order, shifting it around in his hands. 

"coming lou?" he asks when louis is still standing in one spot, looking at matt. he gestures to the window, where a table and two chairs are. louis waves him on.

"be there in a second," and harry takes off, giving him a nod. louis swallows again and then looks up at matt with a neutral face. "how's aiden?"

matt coughs but nods, and louis can see a smile in his eyes. "he's good. we're good. it just happened though, it hasn't-"

"no, i know!" louis reassures him, hands waving a bit madly. "same with haz and i, we just. today was the first. and i know aiden would never have done that."

"right," matt nods and then smiles over at harry. "you guys look really good together."

"thanks," louis says, reaching out to tip matt's hat sideways a little. "tell aiden i said hello, would you?"

matt bites his lip but then nods a few times and louis, satisfied, turns away and begins walking over to harry. 

"everything okay?" he asks when louis sits down, sliding a hand over louis' thigh. he seems reassured at louis' nod and then sips at his tea, looking outside. "i'm glad."

"yeah," louis sighs, hand falling down to cover harry's on his leg. "i'm happy they're happy. and i'm happy i'm happy. and i'm hoping you're also happy."

"so happy," harry says with a shy smile and louis smiles at it.

they sit in relative silence for a couple minutes, letting the music from the record player fill their senses. the soothing power of the rain outside and the slow, slightly sensual circles harry draws down louis' thigh lulls him into an almost dreamlike state of mind.

"you know," louis says sometime later, and harry looks over at him immediately, green eyes taking him in with a smile. "i think i'd quite like to be your muse."

harry laughs at that, and the way his face lights up makes louis' stomach clench a bit. "the job position hasn't been filled, so feel free to drop your resume off."

"mm," louis sighs, leaning his head down so it's on harry's shoulder and watching the rain drip on by. harry's fingers on his thigh tighten a bit and his own digits smooth down the knuckles. "yes."

"yes what?" louis can't see him, but he guesses harry is looking down at him in that fond way he always seems to have.

"yes, i think i'll keep you harry styles," louis murmurs with an air of certainty.

he feels the hand on his leg slide up and around him, pulling him in closer to harry's body. the smell of cinnamon and _boy_ is all around him again and louis' heart may have been broken but it's still beating, still running, and it pounds in time with harry's. 

a kiss is dropped on his temple and then he hears a quiet whisper in his ear,

"ditto."


End file.
